Max Walker, Game Master
by Rustedsoda
Summary: A new Game Master grows and matures as he fills the missing Kevin's shoes. A colorful adventure, but it can get fairly dark at times.  RATED M for strong language, violence, use of alcohol, and non-explicit sexual encounters.
1. The Rise of Max Walker

Albert Einstein once theorized the possibility of many a universe parallel to our own. Ever since then, the world has become fascinated with the idea of bending space, puncturing it, and stepping into the hole... what awaits on the other side?

…On a similar note, Shigeru Miyamoto once spoke of an imaginary world where the inside of a box could be the stairway into a building, or where a sign on the road could grow eyes and wink. You know, things that can only happen in fantasy worlds...

...or can they?

It all started on August 12, 1989, 2:14 PM, in front of a high school in southern California. There was an old station wagon parked outside, with a modestly dressed woman at the wheel. She looked at her watch obsessively, as if the world depended on school to dismiss on time. Finally, the bell rang, and she turned her eyes to the front entrance, watching students pour out... intelligent looking girls, cheerleader girls, Satanist Goths, loose, promiscuous tarts… that were clearly beneath her son. She hoped he didn't talk much to any of them... ...maybe they were having sex in a locker? That's what really goes on in those places...

…No, not quite what he was doing. She soon saw her son standing behind the doors, talking to someone. She almost didn't recognize him in his new Letterman jacket, bearing the "N" of Northridge High, and the school colors, red and white. ...But who was that trashy girl he was talking to?

The girl was actually his study partner, a nice enough person who had taken great interest in the boy, and happened to be rather pretty. She seemed rather happy...

"Kevin, what kind of car did you say your dad has?"

Kevin looked at her and smiled "Well, he programs computers in silicon valley, so he made enough to get a really hot set of wheels. He should be waiting for us just outside..."

Then, Kevin looked her in the eyes.

"Say, Karen… do you like videogames?"

Karen seemed a bit confused. "Videogames?"

"Yeah" Kevin nodded. "You know, Super Mario?"

Karen nodded "Oh! I've played that at my uncle's... beat it before my two older brothers!" she said with a laugh. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I have an NES over at my house, and I was wondering if you wanted to play it with me." he said.

"Hmm, I dunno... back in Middle School it was fun, but... I dunno..."

"Oh, come on Karen! I could show you how to get into the Minus World!"

"Kevin, I'm not really that interested..." she said, a bit uncomfortable.

Kevin looked down and said nothing more until they were at the parking lot. His heart sank as he saw not his father and a shiny red Ferrari, but his mother, in a 1976 Station Wagon.

"Kevin! I'm over here!" she called out.

Karen was disappointed. "Works in the valley, huh?"

Kevin was confused. "No! That's my mother! She wasn't supposed to pick me up! Oh man... Karen I swear he has a Ferrari, I just have to bring you out here when..."

"Kevin hurry up and get in!"

Karen looked at Kevin and rolled her eyes. "Real smooth, game boy. I'll see you next week... ". Karen walked away, leaving Kevin where he stood. Sadly, he got into the back seat of the station wagon (his mom insisted) and they drove away.

"Who was that girl? Was that Karen? That tart!"

"Mom, Karen's not a tart! She's my study partner. You know that!"

"By study partner, you mean DEMON OF THE FLESH!"

Kevin was getting thoroughly annoyed. His mother was an overprotective know-it-all, who learned everything from television, and worked at a local mall outlet as an assistant manager. His father was a programmer-in-chief for a major computer company. Due to the generous salary he made, he opted to purchase something a little fancier than a Ford... and a lot more foreign. Unfortunately for Kevin, he wasn't in the right place at the right time.

Kevin's father understood him and was far more lenient than his mother. The boy's parents got into a major argument many years ago, over whether or not Kevin should be kept in a plastic bubble. It was arguments like this that eventually led to their divorce. About a year after the legal breakup, dad got Kevin a very special present: a Nintendo Entertainment System, one of the first on the market. _Super Mario Bros_ had not actually been released yet, but Kevin's father was sure to pick that game up too.

Well, as you may have guessed, Kevin really took off with Nintendo, memorized almost everything there was to know about the games, and was referred to by friends as "The game master", but his mother was less than excited. Convinced that Nintendo games would melt his brain, she forced Kevin to keep his system (and television) hidden: Kevin would only play it when he knew his mother was gone.

The car pulled up in front of an old pawn shop downtown, and Kevin picked up a rather nice looking television out of the trunk.

"Mom, I still don't see why we have to sell the TV... we're doing fine..."

Kevin's mom pointed at a small crack on the corner of the screen. "See that? TV rays will seep out of that crack, and turn you into a communist! We need to get rid of it, Kevin."

Kevin wasn't sure how a TV worked, but he was certain that "Communist Rays" had nothing to do with it. "Mom, you can't believe everything you hear on TV..."

"Why not? You probably believe everything in those Nintendo Man games..."

"…And yet you never see me eating stray mushrooms off the ground. Look... I'll take this in, see what I can get for it... maybe a new TV? Would you like that?"

His mom smiled faintly in agreement.

"Okay. But look, Mom; after this, you need to loosen up alright? We can't just keep getting new TV's every time you think one is Satan."

She stared at him worriedly, then smiled. "Alright Kevin. M-maybe you're right about the TV... Just... go in, trade it off, and I promise this'll be it."

Kevin looked in his mother's eyes and smiled. "Thanks mom."

Kevin walked into the small pawn shop, adorned with neon paint on the windows, advertising "WE BUY AND SELL GOLD, JEWELRY, APPLIANCES, GUNS, AMMO, SEX MAGAZINES!" He could just imagine the horror running through his mom's face right now as he entered the dimly lit building. The clerk was a kindly old man, who actually knew Kevin, no thanks to his mother's tirades. "Back again, Kevin? Mom upset over my last TV huh?"

Kevin smiled. "Yeah... yeah... look, it's just a little crack, too!"

The storeowner put on a pair of tiny glasses and inspected the crack. "Yeah... I'm sure it works just fine, too... I'd plug it in to see, but it looks like you're in a hurry... here, follow me…"

He took Kevin into a room in back, where several televisions lined the walls. Some were as early as the 1960's, some were state of the art, some were black and white, some advertised 500,000 colors at once. Kevin began to wonder how shiny new TV's ended up in a pawn shop...

"Uhh, Mom promised she wouldn't throw out the next one cause of anything stupid, so maybe if I just get another one of the same kind of TV, would that be cool?", Kevin asked.

The storeowner looked at him with a gleam in his eyes. "Nah... I got something for you..."

He took Kevin in the far back, where an amazingly high-tech Television stood on a shelf. The screen was about two feet tall, but the box itself was suprisingly light. "It's the Sophy XR-34. Fresh out of the factory. For your old TV, it's free."

Kevin looked at the amazing box in sheer awe. "Oh, no way, I can't take this..."

The storeowner smiled. "I insist. To my best customer."

Kevin smiled and looked out at the car. "Hmm... Well if she isn't gonna throw it out, yeah, I suppose I could... thanks!

The storeowner waved to Kevin as he left. "Say hello to your mom for me!" he called out while he walked back in the store, a somewhat more morbid expression on his face.

"What's done is done", he said, knowing his enemies were closing in. "Come and get me: you'll never stop the boy."


	2. RoMW, Ch 1: The TV that ate people

July 2, 2008, 11 AM

"Yeah... yeah... no, no, I won't... because they don't have that out here, mom! Are you serious? No I'm not gonna tell them to make one! Well, I'm sorry, I guess not!"

The air in the dorm was a bit musky, as if it hadn't been used for awhile. The slight smell of stagnant alcohol filled the air: it looked like it wouldn't come out of the carpet. Max Walker would gladly renovate the room a little, seeing as how he'd be spending the next few years in it, but first, he had to get through a phone call with his mom, back in Saint Charles.

Max was an 18-year old, fresh out of high school, who became lucky enough to be accepted at Saint Louis University. Girls, beer, and... uh... studies and stuff... ...For Max, it meant a safe haven more than a few miles away from his parents.

"Yo, Max! You gonna help me bring your shit up or what?" Called his roommate and good friend, Robert. Robert was a bit of a mechanical wizard, and a big fan of Death Metal. He looked kinda dumpy, and his long hair was just a bit too "Metallica", but Max trusted him with his life.

"Yeah, I'll be right down!" Max called out with a smile... then, he looked at the box in his hands... he opened the lid, and smiled at the familiar contents: An NES, two controllers, a Zapper, and few games, including Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt, Punch-Out!, Ninja Gaiden, and the Legend of Zelda. "We're gonna have a great time with these", he said to himself, then he put the box down and ran to help his friend.

"Good god man, you have more shit than I do!", Robert called out. "And I brought a whole drum set!"

Max smiled. "It's a surprise, Rob-o. I'll show you when we get to the room."

"Better be one hell of a surprise, dude. I'm not built for this kind of torture."

Max and Robert got into the room, and brought the box to a rest against a nearby wall. "Okay dude," Robert spoke, "This better be good."

Max grinned from ear to ear as he cut open the tape holding the box shut. "Robert, my good man, within this box is a lifeblood more valued and more powerful than any kind of drug or form of alcohol known to man... ...and legal, too!"

Robert sat there, arms crossed. "I'm listening."

Max opened the box slowly for Robert to peer inside. As he did, his eyes slowly lit up, and his frown quickly turned to a big smile... "Dude... is this what I think it is!"

Max nodded. "A Super Nintendo. Dig around through the games, see what all there is." Robert did just that, and his smile kept getting bigger as he found Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy VI, Chrono Trigger, Super Mario World, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Metroid, Megaman X 1, 2, and 3, Terranigma, and more...

"DUDE! NO WAY!"

"way, dude." Max said with a smile. "I think our college lives will be set as soon as we get the other consoles up here. Now GET BACK TO WORK, SLAVE."

"YES, MASTER!" Robert said with enthusiasm, running down the stairs to get the rest of Max's luggage. Indeed, Max had brought not only his old NES, but his SNES, N64, Gamecube, and Wii as well. He could see it now... late nights with his friends playing RPG's, making witty comments about character haircuts, his more RPG oriented friends watching like an old movie or soap opera. There was just one little problem: He didn't have a television.

"Hey, Rob, where'd you pack your TV? We'll get this all hooked up first!"

Robert called from the floor below "Dude that TV is my sister's!"

"You mean you didn't bring it! Good grief! What the heck are we gonna do?"

Rob put a box down. "Relax dude, relax! My dad is loaded. I'll just tell him we need to get a TV, and I'm sure he'll understand."

A few days went by with no television, as Max and Rob set up a computer they would have to share. One small perk of the dorms was free internet access, so as soon as the computer was up and running, Robert surfed craigslist for a TV... then, remembering that to him, money was no object, he changed his search to "Big TV". He saw a couple different models, but decided they were all "too conformist" or "too modern". He wanted a classic look, like the kind that used to go in living rooms. Those just couldn't be found in stores anymore, so he had to hit up the internet. Thankfully, it didn't take long before he found a good candidate:

Selling: 1989 Sophy XR-34, barely used.

"Huh, never heard of that one", Robert said to himself...

Model no: 0000000

"Wow, maybe it's the only one of it's kind"

screen dimensions: height - 1'11" width - 2'8"

email: Madeline Keene

Robert did a search on the Sophy XR-34 for any manuals or model info, but could find none. He began to suspect a hoax, but decided to check just in case. He emailed Madeline, and got some more pictures. From what he could tell, it looked legit, though PhotoShop could deceive... But Madeline was offering to deliver the TV herself all the way from Northridge, California. No point in making a trip that ungodly long for a hoax.

When Madeline came with the TV, Robert and Max inspected it. The power seemed to work okay, it could gather all the broadcast channels, and both A/V and RF modulation were compatible with it. In otherwords; it was playworthy. Max turned to Madeline with a smile, and said "We'll take it!"

But, just as Robert was going to pay her, she had a small change of heart. "On second thought, please, keep the money. I couldn't take it for this TV..."

"Huh? but it's huge! You can't just give away large, rare televisions! That's crazy!"

Madeline looked both ways, then ushered them somewhere private.

"I have reasons for wanting to get rid of it... I believe that TV is cursed. It kidnaps people and makes them disappear..."

Max blinked. Once.

"Oh, sure, laugh at the old lady with the demon TV... but I tell you... that television is evil. My son got it at a pawn shop, and disappeared three days later..."

Max blinked again.

"...I never saw him again.", she was sincerely upset.

Robert smiled. "Uh-huh, well we'll just get it off your hands. I'll make sure the demon box doesn't get anybody."

"Look, I'm not lying to you on this!" Madeline started to cry. "That TV... took him from me... it took... my..."

Robert stopped himself when he saw what he'd done. "Hey... you're serious aren't you? Look it just sounds a little funny is all... I mean my mom would freak too if I disappeared... …but are you sure it was the TV?"

Madeline nodded. "You can have it if you want, I don't ever want to look at it again... but promise me you'll be careful with it. Don't suffer the same fate."

A day later, Max and Robert sat on the couch, almost totally moved in, staring at a large, somewhat ominous TV that was plugged in, but not turned on.

"You do it", Robert nudged Max.

"Oh, no. You bought it off this lady, you turn it on!" said Max, already creeped out by the TV.

"It's for your games and shit! You do it!" Said Robert.

"Alright I got an idea, we'll both do it!"

Robert nodded. "Okay, let's do it."

Robert grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall, and carefully brought the tip to the power button on the large wood-framed TV. Max "helped", by sitting back in the couch, arms crossed and an ornery smirk on his face, basking in his manipulative handiwork. Sweat ran down Robert's face as he internally cursed Max and the broom's tip got closer, and closer... he closed his eyes, and let the tip hit the button, turning the TV on.

"...and for today's forecast, expect a high in the mid 80's today, followed by a slight chance of thunderstorms in Troy county. Let's turn to our five-day forecast! On the left we have..."

Max and Robert blinked. "Well, that wasn't so bad," said Max. "So, Super Mario World?"

Robert nodded. "Super Mario World it is."

They plugged the system in and hit a few channels down, expecting to come a cross an "AUX" channel. Instead, they reached a "Ch 0".

"Channel... zero?" asked Max.

"I dunno... I've never heard of them using a channel zero", replied Robert. "This is still one weird TV. Let's just try it with the RF switch"

So they connected the system using an RF switch, and changed to channel 3. They spent the rest of the night getting to Valley of Bowser, but never actually beat it. Max had fallen asleep on the couch, and Robert had long hit the sack.

Max was stirred away by the stagnant heat in the room, and got up to get some water. "Ugh... We need a fan..." As he came back with a glass, he looked at the TV, and curiously turned it on to the mysterious channel zero. "What are you, anyways..."

The image was all black and silent for a moment. Then, it got brighter... and brighter... and brighter... Max started feeling dizzy, like space itself was being stretched... then, nothing. Everything was normal again.

...Except that the TV screen now looked like less like channel zero, and more like someone tried to divide by zero. A tunnel jutted through the TV screen, and the glass had disappeared. The tunnel did not appear on the other side of the television, though.

"I wonder if this is how that lady's son disappeared...?"

Curiously, Max crawled into the tunnel in the screen. He soon came out of a large metal pipe, in almost complete darkness. He saw a small beam of light in the distance, and heard a woman singing. It was coming from a hole in the ceiling. Max managed to hit his head on a series of metal pipes in the chamber, but eventually approached the light and called up into the hole. "Um... hello? Is someone there?"

The figure singing was startled by the noise, and looked down into the toilet. "Oh my... not again... Mario, I thought you made the toilet stop talking to me!"

Max nodded to himself, pretending to understand what just happened. "Oh my god, I just pissed off the Mafia. I'm outta here!"

Max scrambled back to the tunnel, again slamming his head into just about every pipe in the room, until he reached the tunnel. Once he was out of the tunnel in the TV, and hit the power button. The tunnel disappeared, and the glass was restored to a now lifeless black screen.

"I need to eat less nachos before I go to bed..." said Max, wiping sweat from his brow.


	3. RoMW, Ch 2: Taking the Plunge r

"...And in today's wacky news, the annual cheese rolling festival of Dutchlandersland got underway today, in which contestants roll a wheel of cheese down a hill and try to outrun it. While the sport may sound silly here, it's taken quite seriously across the pond, and has been known to be quite dangerous..."

This is what Max Walker woke to the next day. He was reminded once again that he didn't enter bizarro world last night... in fact, he'd already been in it all his life.

"Hey, dude, get up it's like 3 in the afternoon!", Robert called. "We're not in Summer School anymore, man! If you're gonna skip class, skip it in style!"

Max got up in a grumpy mess. "nnnd what exictlyrrrr you doin today?"

"I dunno, thought maybe we'd go call up Jennifer or something and go to the skate park..."

Max shook his head. "We're in college now, we gotta do college stuff."

"But I thought-"

Max waved Robert to pause his statement for a moment as his eyes turned to the TV. There was a picture of Mrs. Keene on the news.

"...was found near Jefferson City this morning by a passing motorist. Police believe she swerved off the road and hit a tree, but strangely enough they cannot understand why..."

"At first we thought maybe she was on her phone or something, until we checked the car itself. It was completely devoid of any distractions at all. One thing's for sure, this woman was a safety nut. Why did she crash? I dunno, maybe it's a sign of some sort..."

Max and Robert stared at the screen in disbelief. "Dude, WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!"

Robert began pacing about the room... "We're gonna get tied up in this, I know it... We got a TV off of her for free, she shows up dead the next day... ...This is serious shit!"

Max nodded. "I know... we need to get out of here," he said, looking at the Television.

Robert stopped him. "Wait... why did she do it? Maybe it was a suicide. I mean she felt bad about her son..."

Max shook his head. "That wouldn't make sense. She just wanted to be rid of the TV. I think we have much bigger problems than police right now... someone must have hunted her down, and they're gonna come for us next!"

Robert stood there for a minute looking at him. "Well, what do we do?"

Max looked over at the Television... "We do the same thing her son did."

Robert stared blankly at Max. "Uh...?"

Max explained himself. "Robert, last night I tuned that in to channel zero, and it made some sort of metal wormhole. I think Kevin went through that hole, and we can too." He said this in a completely serious tone.

Robert's expression did not change. "I'm going to pretend you said "Let's go to Mexico, where we can escape jurisdiction and drown our sorrows in tequila", or maybe "let's go to Switzerland, they play dumb about this stuff, right?", not "Let's get in the magic mystery TV and go to make-believe land where Mr. Rogers and the trolley still live!"

Max got angry. "And I suppose getting in a bomb shelter for a few years is a lot more realistic? Or maybe we'll live at the center of the Earth with the mole men? Oh, no wait... WE'LL GO TO YOUR MOON BASE! OF COURSE!"

Robert was hurt. "Actually, I was gonna suggest we stow onto a train and go to Canada. We could easily start over there. But if this is what you think of my escape, that jumping into a portal you PROBABLY DREAMED UP is much better, then go right ahead. It was nice knowing you, Max."

And with that, Robert left the dorm.

Max sat down in front of the TV and sighed. He turned it on to Channel Zero, and waited to see what would happen. The screen began to glow... light up... then, it all happened again! The tunnel formed! There was the sleek metal surface of a steel pipe in the screen. Max grinned widely. "I knew I wasn't just seeing things!" and he continued to stare at the tunnel for a little bit... until his joy was interrupted by a blood curdling scream.

"MAX! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

There were several heavy footsteps approaching the dorm... Max took a minute to think things over, then without any more hesitation, he quickly climbed into the set. There was a panel on the inside of the pipe, for controlling the way back... Max kicked at it several times until the panel came off, and the controls were destroyed. The view of the dorm disappeared behind him, replaced with a cold gray wall.

Max laid there in the pipe, complete silence and darkness around him. All he could hear was his own heavy breathing.

"There... I'm safe... sorta..." he said as he remembered exactly what this place was. "Well, I guess there's a slight chance I can face this girl's boyfriend and make it out alive... well, here goes..."

Max crawled out of the pipe, into the dark chamber. Once again, he proceeded to hit his head on just about every pipe down there before stumbling his way over to the beam of light. Semi-luckily enough, someone was in the bathroom upstairs. This time, it wasn't the girl.

"Hey, up there! Hey! Down here!"

"What the hell? It IS talking!"

Max hung his head. "It's not the toilet, it's me! A person! You know, in the big creepy chamber under your can?"

The voice shot out, in a clearly Brooklyn accent, "How'd ya get down there anyway?"

Max paused for a moment, thinking "Are you serious?" and just said "Long story!"

The man rang back "Well, don't worry, I'll go get my brother and we'll have you out of there in no time!" Sure enough, within five minutes, The brothers were back at the manhole cover in the bathroom, prying it off and sending down a rope ladder. "Here, grab this!" Max grabbed this ladder, and hoisted himself up.

"There ya go! You alright?"

Max nodded and looked up at the two friendly (and seemingly very understanding) men. "Yeah... yeah, I just..." Max looked at the two short men with very thick, curved mustaches. Behind them was a girl in a pink jogging suit, whose face and blond hair looked familiar... especially with that crown on top...

"Wh... wh... What'd you say you guys' names were?"

The men looked at each other, then at Max. "Well, my name is Mario Antonio Belducci Mario, and this is my brother, Luigi Mario Raphael Mario. But most people just call us the Mario Brothers."


	4. RoMW, Ch 3: Max answers the call

Max, the girl in the jogging suit, and the two men walked down a huge and luxurious hallway. "Heh, dude are you serious? Mario Brothers? Anyone ever make videogame jokes about you guys?"

Luigi blinked for a minute, confused. "I haven't played da game in awhile, so if dis is some joke about my weight, I'm really not getting it."

Max shook his head. "No, no man! I mean it! I mean look at you, a short guy named Mario, a taller guy named Luigi... they call them the Mario Brothers, they both got these big mustaches... What, are you guys plumbers for a living, too?"

Mario shrugged his shoulders. "Eeehhhh, yes n' no..."

Max looked at Mario. "huh?"

Luigi started laughing. "Hehe, nah what he mean ta say is we used ta be plumbas, back home... we still do dat here a little, but it's mostly maintaining stuff, ya know?"

Max nodded. "Uh, I don't mean to sound rude or stupid or anything, but where exactly is "here" Is this The Hill in Saint Louis or something?"

Luigi looked at Mario. "Yo, Mario, I don't think dis kid knows what's goin' on. Shouldn't we... ehh... you know...?"

Mario smiled and put an arm around Max. "My brotha in da green of green peppas means to ask if you'd like ta know where ya are. Let's start wit United States. You from dere?"

Max nodded. "Y..Yes..."

Mario nodded. "And when ya got here, you was in a big pipe right?"

Max nodded again. "Yeah."

Mario smiled. "Aha! Well, hate ta break it to ya, tortellini, but you ain't in Kansas no more!"

Luigi added to his brother's statement. "You're in da Mushroom Kingdom now, kid!"

Max stopped dead in his tracks. "...Where?"

The quiet girl in the back finally spoke up in soft voice. "T-this is my kingdom. As princess, I rule over the Mushroom Kingdom much as a mother would her children. I love the mushroom people of this land very much..."

Max uttered a syllable. "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Peach blinked for a moment, then continued. "Awhile back though, I had a lot of problems with a big bully named Bowser... he turned many of my subjects into stones, plants, and other inanimate objects. Then, in order to keep me from changing them back, he had me locked up... I thought all hope was lost, and that all my children would die... ...then, I heard Bowser arguing with someone, then I heard an axe, some screaming... and then these two brothers saved me... They explained their story to me, and they've lived in this land ever s... huh?"

Max had passed out. "Oh my... I hope I didn't bore him..."

Max woke up some unknown time later on a huge soft bed. "Hey, look, he's wakin up!"

Max opened his eyes to see Mario, Luigi, Peach, and a few mushroom retainers. "...Huh? The acid trip is still going on? What happened last night..."

Luigi blinked and poked Max's gut. "Hey, kid, you alright?"

One of the retainers raised himself up on his toes to get a better look. "Hey, look at his shirt! That looks like my Nintendo!"

Max held his head... "Oh... right... me and Robert were... the cops came... I... huh?"

Mario was looked over the bed at his shirt. "Hmm, dey got Nintendos where you come from, kid?"

Max looked at Mario, beginning to understand what was going on, despite the fact that it what he was witnessing should have been pure bullshit. "Yeah, why? You guys wanna play with yourselves?" he said with a snicker.

Mario shrugged. "Nah, it's just dat we got one guy alreddy from Earth said he gotta Nintendo, but I sure don't rememba nothin like that when I lived dere."

Max blinked. "That's weird... and you guys came from Brooklyn, right?"

Mario's eyes got wide. "How'd you know that?"

Max stopped for a minute. "Well, it's uh... well come on you guys have Nintendos, it's common videogame knowledge! It's like the Konami code, or getting into the Minus world!"

At that moment, everyone started staring at Max. "...You guys have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

Mario started talking very slowly. "Ya know we came from Brooklyn, ya know da Konami code... ya know about da Minus world... what else do ya know?"

Now it was Max's turn to be a little surprised. He shook it off and eagerly responded. "Well, I know about entering your name as ZELDA to get the second quest, and about the Chris Houlihan room under Hyrule Castle... heck I even know about the Famicom converters they put in early NES carts..."

This went on for many minutes as Mario and Luigi listened intently.

"...the Japanese differences in Zelda 2 compared to the US version, the golden armor in Megaman X3, I even unlocked most of the cheats in Perfect Dark! Why?"

Mario stood there trembling, and slowly walked toward Luigi. When he got there, he whispered something into his ear, to which he nodded some, then said out loud "MAMA MIA!"

Max was a little worried. "Did I do something wrong?"

Mario calmed himself down and smiled. "No, no it's okay kid, don't worry... Just, ah... ya said you came outta da pipe... You didn't happen to have a "Sophy XR 34 did ya?"

Max nodded, and Mario nodded as well. "Well guys, he knows his stuff, he looks like he's got a good body attached to dat head of his, and he even came outta da same TV as Kevin did!"

Peach stared at Mario, then Max in absolute shock. "OH MY GOD! Mario, is this... is this... him?"

Mario nodded. "Looks like it, I just need to know one more thing..." then, he looked at Max. "Hey, son, how would you like a job?"

Max smiled. "What kind of job?"

Mario smirked. "Oh, if ya know what I do now for Peach, it's kinda like that... ...except for everywhere. Here, Hyrule, Mobius, Gradius... you name it."

Max quickly responded "Yes!", locking in his fate with confidence and happiness."

Mario smiled and nodded. "Thanks." Then, he turned to everyone else in the room.

"Alright folks!", he said with a big smile, as he anticipated great applause from the small group of people in the room. "Say hello to Captain N!"


	5. RoMW, Ch 4: Max makes friends

...No.

Just... no. Max couldn't understand it. What the hell! As far as Max was concerned, this made absolutely no sense. Oh, sure, he could have taken the "TV made a magic portal into Nintendo Land" route, but people who believe that usually eat the square pizza at school. With their face. Get where I'm going with this? IT'S A GAME. IT'S NOT REAL. How could this possibly be real?

Well, It was. All of it. Max just had only one idea how. This was surely a parallel universe that just happens to resemble perfectly a world where all his videogames come to life and coexist... ...but seriously, how? There had to be a more realistic explanation...

Max was no fool. He knew that folks like Mario weren't just born one day and decided to be famous. They were characters and ideas conceived by a Japanese kid named Shigeru Miyamoto who liked to explore his village a lot, then grew up and joined Nintendo. He'd established that this wasn't an elaborate joke at his expense, as from what he'd seen so far, that would take way too much time and effort. He wasn't hallucinating either...

...Well, Max eventually decided to just forget about all the oddity surrounding this, and just enjoy this world for what it was. Little did he know, one day, all of his questions would be answered.

"So, you knew Kevin?", asked Max of Mario, as a royal tailor prepared for them some elaborate formal costumes.

"Oh, yeah, yeah... good kid, a lot like you, except... he seemed a lot less experienced with da rest of da world, ya know? I mean, he knew some of it... anyways, after he left, we thought things were gonna get betta... we tried to convince ourselves we were a good place again... It just went downhill without him, though..."

Max was a little confused. "Wait, you mean... he's not here?"

Mario shook his head. "Nah, went back ta Earth about five yeas ago... probably went to see his Ma... I'll bet she's happy ta have him back!"

Max looked down at his feet, and decided not to talk about Kevin anymore. Instead, he took a trip around Toad Town, where people seemed just a little less fascinated by the Second Coming of their messiah, so to speak. Max enjoyed the quiet for a little bit, and went to take in the beauty of the flower-dotted fields and hills nearby. Finding a nice stone wall retaining a cut-out portion of the hill, he sat down in front of it and gazed at the new world around him. It was bright and sunny here, and while Max always thought he'd be creeped out by everything having eyes in this realm, it was actually kinda delightful.

"Robert… Mom…" He said to himself, trying to think of how he'd ever see them again. It was at this point Max realized he'd have to make new friends out of his favorite videogame characters. "Hope they don't turn out to be a bunch of elitist jerks or something… Mario seems nice enough, though. Who knows, maybe when I'm here I'll even get laid!" Max laughed to himself a little, then took a serious expression. "Seriously though… If I'm gonna be having all these adventures, I would like a little female companionship…"

"Ouch!", he heard someone say. It sounded like they fell.

Max looked around on the other side of the wall and saw a girl lying in the grass. Not a mushroom girl mind you, just an ordinary one. If she had been hurt, it was hard to tell, because she had on a huge green sweatshirt. She looked like she could almost live out of that thing (In the cutest way possible.) Max was a little stunned by her appearance: tomboyish, with her short blond hair and even shorter shorts, and something about that left Max speechless.

Max fumbled his words for a few seconds, and finally offered her a hand. "Are you okay?"

The girl got up by herself with amazing ease, and answered rather coldly "I'm fine."

"Oookay", Max said, as she began walking away. Desperate to get her attention, he then decided to introduce himself by calling out "I'm Max Walker!" When she didn't respond, he added "Captain N? You know?"

When he said this, she turned around, and angrily charged at Max, knocking him flat on his ass. Standing over him, she looked right down into his eyes with a stare that could have made his eyes jump out of his skull and run scrambling for safety. "You, sir, are NOT Captain N. Stop trying to BE Captain N, you will NOT replace him." and with that, she walked away, disappearing behind the hill.

"Geez, what was her problem?"

Mario soon stood over Max. "Hey, why ya lyin on da ground like a pizza pie gone bad? You're ruinin your tux, kid! Besides, plane's here, we gotta get you ta Hyrule!"

Max miraculously sprang up when Mario said Hyrule. "Right, well, let's get going!"

Mario took Max to an airstrip where they met a young man in a flight suit and helmet before boarding.

"uuuuhhh, welcome to the Songbird! This is Princess Zelda's special jet! I guess I should get you going! Right, well, uhhhhh... you all packed?"

Max had no luggage, and sat there staring at the pilot. "Are you serious?"

The Pilot jumped a little. "Oh! Right. Of course not. Sorry, sorry.. Well come on in!" This pilot was definitely kinda goofy, but maybe he was pretty smart deep down inside. After all, the princess of Hyrule trusted him with her jet.

"Oh, hey, uh, you wanna... y'know... sit up with me? I mean it's cool n all..." the pilot asked. Max shrugged and got up there with them. Roughly ten minutes after the plane took off, so did their bond.

"Dude, no way! I've had octorock and it tastes horrible! I don't care how hungry a guy is, he's not gonna eat one of those things."

"So, are you from Hyrule?", Max asked.

"Well, technically I was born in a little place just West of it, but yeah... I guess0 I've been livin there since I was a kid. Crazy place, Hyrule... it's the archaeology capitol of this whole planet Gaia, and therefore the site of a lot of war with the space pirates... ...and Ridley..."

"What about Ganon?" Max asked.

"Ganon?" The pilot looked at him confused for a moment, then back at what he was doing. "Ganon's dead. I walked into Hyrule, and a few weeks later I killed him."

Max stared at the pilot for a few moments. "Wait... take your helmet off..."

"uuhhhh, okay..." The pilot obliged, and took his helmet off. Underneath was a young man with very messy and scrambled brown hair. Some of it fell of the sides of his face and in front of his pointed ears. Some of it stood straight out in front like a bomb went off in it.

Link looked at Max. "What? I took it off!"

Max started laughing. "Nothing, it's okay..."


	6. RoMW, Ch 5: Max talks to a girl

It was dusk when the Songbird landed. Max was already more than a bit surprised by what he'd learned about Hyrule. He could actually understand Hyrule's unusual level of technology, after all they communicated often with places like Mushroom Kingdom, but learning that Link was a pilot... that kinda threw him off.

"So what exactly are we doing in Hyrule, Link?" he asked.

Link turned around to look at him and Mario, the red sky behind him as they sat on an airstrip. "That's a good question... what ARE you guys doing here? Was there a party or something and I didn't get invited! Why does this always happen to me?"

Mario started laughing and finally stopped Link. "Cause dis kid ain't Captain N yet. Where's ya girlfriend at?"

Link looked up. "Zelda? She's probably waiting just outside the airstrip."

North Palace was a hell of a lot bigger than it looked in Zelda 2. The airstrip in the back of the palace was suspended off the side of a cliff, and overlooked a forest below. Inside were two women. One had dark hair like Link and had on some small glasses and a red suitcoat with Hyrule's royal crest. The other had on a blue suitcoat far too small for her and a skirt that showed a lot of leg. Both of them were waving to the small group.

"Ah, see, there she is!"

Max was a little confused by Link's statement. "Uh... which one?"

Link pointed first to Princess Zelda in the red suit. "Hello, Link.", she responded.

"Hey! Point to me! Come on, Linky!", screamed the other. Link pointed over to her, and she giggled happily, and introduced herself as Princess Zelda.

"...Huh?" said Max (yeah he's confused too, don't worry.) "You're both Princess Zelda?"

"Well, yes", responded the one in red. "Link defeated Ganon and saved me when we were kids."

"Aha, and Link woke me up from a deep sleep later on!" the other Princess Zelda said.

Max stared at Zelda. Then at Zelda. Then back at Zelda. Then at Zelda again. "Gee, I think I need to memorize your names… but I think I get it. Zelda 1 and Zelda 2's princesses aren't the same. Now, Link which one is your girlfriend?"

Link pointed to the cute one in blue with the lighter hair, then they both proceeded to jump up and down like idiots while holding hands. "Cute, huh?" The other Zelda queried. "Anyway Max, we brought you to Hyrule because we're having a major problem at one of our chief sites... Parapa Palace."

"Parapa Palace?", responded Max. "The desert Northeast of here?"

Zelda nodded. "Of course we've had problems with bandits and pirates before at our sites, but recently things have gotten seriously out of hand. It's getting to where Link and Zelda are our last trump card, and even they can't fend them all off now!"

Max stopped for a minute. "Uh... you mean the other Zelda right?"

Zelda smiled. "Yes, the other Zelda. And believe me, she's not a ditz or anything, she just... really likes Link. They've really been overworked lately, and Mario has his own work he needs to get back to... I'd really like to give Link and Zelda a breather, but I just don't feel comfortable doing something like that..."

Max stopped her. "...I think I understand what you mean. Don't worry about it! If this involves space pirates I'm sure Samus Aran will show up too, right?"

Zelda thought for a moment. "Well, I do suppose. And she COULD be a lot of help to you. In any case, tomorrow we'll head out for Parapa Desert. In the meantime, why don't you get some sleep?"

Max once again had the luxury of a big royal bed all to himself. He could hardly sleep, just thinking about all the adventure he would have in this new world, so late that night he got up to look around. That's when he heard a noise outside his window: Someone was breaking in!

"Wh-who's there? I've got a... well I don't really have anything but I... huh?" Max was a bit surprised to find that the intruder was the weird girl from before in the sweater. "What do you want?"

"What are you trying to prove?" said the girl in the sweater. "Douchebags like you have no respect for what comes before you, it's just "whoo adventure this" and "whoo videogames that". I swear people around here just don't get it..."

Max got up slowly. "Uhm... what do you mean?"

Sweater girl looked him coldly, ordering him to sit back down. "Go home, Max. Go home before you get killed."

"But I can't." Max explained. "It's impossible now..."

The girl looked him in the eyes once more. "Then stay out of my way." And with that, she jumped out the window and disappeared.

The next day, Link, Zelda (the other Zelda!), and Max were heading out to Parapa desert. The issue of this angry woman was really getting on Max nerves, so he finally asked Link about her.

"Her? Yeah, she's been seen around places... doesn't talk much though, you know? I think she's just shy... anyway, most of us just call her Turtle cause she hides in that big sweater like it's a shell. She doesn't seem like a bad person or anything, just weird."

"Hmm", said Max as they rolled through the desert. "I wonder if that will change..."

Meanwhile, a colossal satellite orbiting the planet got a terrifying signal.

"Sir, we just got a message from the Galactic Federation", Lieutenant Lenny said. "Ridley himself is paying a visit to Hyrule."

"WHAT! NOW?" Needless to say, General Mushmellow was a bit shocked. "Why? Doesn't he have puppies and kittens to cook in a microwave or something?"

"Well sir, if it's any consolation, Samus Aran is also on the planet, not far from the ruins that his pirates have been attacking so much. Should I call her and tell her now?"

"...Yes. But nobody else. Samus doesn't freak out about these things, and she knows when to keep a secret. Contact her right away."

So far, things were pretty quiet at the Parapa site. Dry and hot, yes, but not particularly dangerous. Max though had again wandered off to a remote section of the ruins to gather his thoughts about his first assignment. He was actually inside the palace, Not far from the elevator back outside, when he heard a voice coming from up on the wall, near the windows which poured sunlight into the dark place.

"You know it's dangerous to go alone, right?" It was the girl in the sweater, yet again.

Max sighed. "You again? What do you want from me this time?"

Surprisingly, she didn't stare angrily at him (or even scornfully). She actually was kinda smiling. "Come up and sit with me for a minute, would ya?"

Max shrugged, and climbed up to join her. "There you go! Come on, it's okay I don't bite, dude... There you go."

"You're suddenly very nice to me...?" Max mentioned.

The girl thought for a moment. "Yeah, well, I was thinking and you know... I was kind of a hypocrite... talking about all the gullible people around here, when I was making assumptions about you... you aren't REALLY an idiot, are you?"

Max laughed a little and looked in her eyes. "No, of course not. And I'm gonna finish this assignment, whatever it throws at me."

The girl in the sweater smiled back. "Then I think I owe you a big apology for the things I said, and for knocking you down. You really aren't that bad."

Max smiled. "Neither are you."

Within minutes, they were talking like old friends, and put their somewhat rough past behind them. Max's attraction to this girl was growing even stronger since their dispute had resolved, and it looked like she shared the feeling. As Max looked into her eyes, he could see something, that made his heart beat twice as fast. She wouldn't say it, he knew, but looking into her eyes, he saw that she was shyly hiding feelings for him. As he fumbled for ways to evolve their connection past being good buddies, her phone rang.

"Ugh, just a minute... yeah? ...Wait... slow down... okay... ...right now? Alright... no, I can do it... I'm in Parapa right now, anyways. I'll be ready in a few minutes... okay bye." She sighed and turned to Max. "I'm sorry, Max... I have to go."

Max called out to her as she left. "Will I ever see you again?"

The girl in the big sweater turned around and smiled. "Definetely. And very soon."


	7. RoMW, Ch 6: How to piss Ridley off

A large Federation cruiser was entering the orbit of Gaia. Before making an approach on the surface, it docked at GF station #32.

"Good morning, gentlemen.", said the faceless captain of the ship via a security wire.

"You're back early, captain.", rang the soldier at the checkpoint. "What are we bringing to Gaia today?"

The captain coughed a little. "327 trainees, 30 pounds of light rations, and a cabinet of 23 light arms, which I'd like to deliver as soon as possible if you don't mind."

"Of course, of course. I'll wave you through then. Move along."

Inside the cruiser, a thin but large dragon sat in a chair, resting with his hands and feet, much like a four-legged animal. The calm, cool look on his face held a slight smirk, as he cackled at the incompetence of the guard, and the federation's failure to tighten security when they learned he was coming.

"Thank you, Captain Rogers, for your cooperation", Ridley spoke to the bloody corpse on the floor in front of him. "Your superiors will hear of this."

The craft continued, unhindered, towards the Hyrule continent.

"Uuuuuuu! Uuuuu!"

"What? Oh, not again..."

This is what Max Walker saw as he returned to camp: Link running around in mad panic, and Princess Zelda trying to calm him down. "I told you not to eat so fast! Just hold still and sit down, would you?", said Zelda as she held a pair of tongs.

"Did he just..."

"Swallow his tongue?" Zelda spoke. "Yeah. This isn't the first time either..."

"UUuuuugh! !", cried Link. His heart was in the right place, but he wasn't terribly sharp.

"Hey, uh Zelda, how did you and Link... you know... hitch up?" asked Max, sitting down nearby.

Zelda's expression became grim. "Well… I uh… I guess you already know my backstory. My brother's wizard cast me into a deep sleep… I don't even know how long ago it was… When I woke up, everyone I knew and loved was long gone. I was so scared, surrounded by people and places I did not recognize… but Link spoke to me… told me everything was going to be okay. He promised to take good care of me, and I've been here ever since. He really is a sweet person... he's just a little nutty."

"So, you date Link because you rely on him?" Max was a bit confused.

"Oh, dear god no! That happened after I got to know him. Things started off pretty much mutual. We both needed comfort. After that, well... first it was a little awkward... but then we let it go and just kissed... It's a strange thing, how it works... why do you ask?"

Max stopped to let Zelda realign Link's tongue, after which the green hero cut in. "Did something happen between you and Turtle?"

Max sighed. "This doesn't help me... I'll find out when... what's that rumbling?"

Max, Link, and several workers came outside to see a large Federation spacecraft blotting out the sun. "Is that a fed ship? It's landing right on top of us!"

Diggers and soldiers scrambled out of the way of the spacecraft as it flattened tents and kicked up dust and dirt everywhere. The Palace site was unharmed, but Link was furious.

"Hey, what's the big idea? Do you know how much money in resources that costs? Get out here and talk to me! I'll make sure Princess Zelda hears about this!" Zelda appeared from over the hill. "The OTHER Princess Zelda!"

Just as Link asked, the door opened and its commander stepped out.

"...Oh... hehehe... it's you... ...oh shit..." Ridley smacked Link hard, flinging him far away over the dunes with a trailing scream.

"Now hear this! This place belongs to me now! All of your artifacts, your gold, your ancient information, it's all going into the "Pay Ridley or he'll toast you alive" fund!" Ridley sneered.

Max suddenly got very ballsy and stepped up in front of Ridley. "How about this? I'm gonna break that thing on the back of your skull if you don't get out of here now!"

Ridley looked down in front of him for a few minutes, with an honestly confused look on his face. "Huh? Um... who are you, and why are you talking down to me? I could flick you just like I did Link."

"The name's Max Walker, and I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"You tell em, Captain N!" shouted Zelda.

Ridley's eyes grew wide. "Say what? Holy shit they filled Kevin's sneakers, eh? Tell ya what, kid you got a big mouth. I like that... Ooohh, maybe I'm gonna die today..."

"You got that right, you purple palette swap of Puff the Magic Dragon!"

"We'll find out after we see how well you can shoot.", Ridley responded.

Max stopped talking for a bit, and stood there a bit puzzled. "Shoot?"

"What, you were gonna punch me to death? Come on, where's the Zapper? Oh tell me they at least gave you the belt... They did didn't they?"

Max suddenly felt very small. "Um... ...no..."

Ridley snickered to himself when he heard this. Then, his snicker turned into a giggle. Then finally, he just rolled onto his back, belly up, unable to control his laughter. "You... you aren't ARMED? What kind of a joke is this?"

Max thought he saw an opportunity to strike, and went for it. He completely underestimated Ridley, who slapped him up the head with his tail. Max hit a stone wall hard. "I DEMAND TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! Who thought this was funny? Am I not intimidating you enough? Do I need to start killing more people? Yeah, maybe that's it... Big BAD RIDLEY IS GONNA START TAKING LIVES... STARTING WITH YOUR LITTLE JOKE HERE!"

Ridley charged Max, jaws wide open and flames shooting up his throat. Max couldn't get out of the way in time, and could only watch as the lizard got closer... until an orange blur shot out of nowhere, followed by several blue afterimages, and slammed into Ridley hard, sending him in a complete 90 degree turn. Max got up to see what had happened, and there before him, clad head to toe in orange, red, and yellow armor, with several green lights all about it, stood the space warrior herself.

"Everyone move!", shouted Samus. "This is gonna get nas-ah!" She was flipped into the air by Ridley and flung over by Max. She landed hard, sand flying up as she rolled a few times and slammed against a wall. Max watched, wondering if she was okay.

"Max…" Samus spoke, her angry-looking green visor turning to face him. "…I need you to do something for me."

"Sure, anything..." said Max, who didn't bother asking how she knew his name.

"I need you to get out of here..."

"No way! I can't just leave this job!"

"Max, get out of here! I'll hold Ridley off... but I need you to take my ship and go. Slide this card over the red strip on the dashboard, access the main screen, go to "Samus's chart", "coordinates", and pick #336. She'll take care of the rest."

Max took the card from her hand. "What's at #336?"

Samus ushered him along. "Don't ask me, just go! Please!"

Max reluctantly scrambled towards her ship and did exactly as she said. Within minutes, the craft took off safely while Samus kept Ridley pinned.


	8. RoMW, Ch 7: Ptang!

Hunter-II hurtled away from Parapa Desert, cradling Max inside. As he surveyed below him, he could see Samus and Ridley: it looked like Samus was losing. "Samus, I hope you know what you're doing..."

Soon, the craft was up high in the sky, and Max could see North Palace from his current view. He forgot about Samus for a moment and gazed out the main windbreaker. The view was absolutely gorgeous way up here... Oceans, mountains, forests... Then, suddenly without warning, the ship fired forward, and all these landmasses zoomed away. Max was at a loss for words at the primitive beauty whizzing past him. He worried about Samus and Link, but at the same time, he felt free as a bird... "Never in all my life did I ever think I'd see something like this," Max said to himself.

About half an hour later, a large floating tower appeared, which the computer identified as "Final Tower". As the tower got bigger and bigger, the craft slowed down and proceeded to land. "Coordinates achieved. Please enjoy your stay, Samus."

Max stepped out of the Hunter-II, and was met by two guards. They only spoke two words to Max: "Come in." He pushed the door open himself, and walked straightforward, knowing he was surely headed for a throne room. As he walked past, he saw many posters along the walls, featuring some familiar faces, like Mario, Link, Samus, Simon Belmont, Mega Man, Pit, Crono, Magus, and even Pikachu. At the very end, he met a beautiful girl in a rather ornate throne. Her outfit left little to the imagination, but she still managed to keep a dignified regal appearance.

"Welcome to my tower, Max", spoke the girl, in the same soft tone Zelda used. "Do you know what this place is?"

Max stopped to think. "I know the name is Final Tower..."

She shook her head. "Ugh... they still haven't fixed that huh? It's actually called Altim Tower, a derivation of "Ultimate", but it was mistranslated and became "final" instead... In any case, you are standing at the core capitol of the whole planet."

Max looked at the girl. "The castle... and you are... the queen?"

She nodded and smiled. "My name is Lana. This whole planet and the surrounding moons are my sole responsibility. Protecting the people, the monarchs, all of it... falls on my decisions. For that reason, I'm very grateful to finally meet you!" and she proceeded to stand up and hug him. "Sir, you have been expected here, ever since Zelda told us you had appeared. I am so glad you've made it now!"

Max nodded. "But there's some trouble in Hyrule right now!"

Lana nodded. "Ridley sees great worth in Hyrule because it may hold the secret of our origin. Of course everyone knows the story of the three goddesses, but we don't have the whole picture yet behind all of Hyrule... ...or this world we live in in general."

Max stopped her. "What about the Triforce?"

Lana shook her head. "Suprisingly minimal interest. Ridley is more interested in effort than reward, and the Triforce would only hold power on this planet. Every planet has it's own little Holy Grail, and the only thing Ridley ever wanted this one for was to revive Ganon. Thing is, he did once achieve this, and quickly regretted it."

Max seemed to understand a little. "Ganon wasn't fan-friendly I take it..."

Lana stared him in the eyes. "Ridley helped Link kill him. It was that bad."

"So, what about Bowser? Does he ever get into this stuff?"

"Bowser tends to keep to himself... if he wants to do something devious, he'll usually go about doing it, but it's hard for even Peach to take him seriously anymore... I believe she even has a photo of her and Bowser hugging... they both look very cute in it..."

Max laughed. "Somehow, that seems about right... so, what's this?"

Max and Lana had approached a large door. Lana opened it, and the entered into a dimly lit room, with several items under glass displays, illuminated by soft cobalt light. Max slowly walked around and looked at some of these items. A Power Pad, a Power Glove, an NES advantage, NES controllers, a Zapper, four score, NES Satellite... even a Roll n Rocker... "Hey, these are all old Nintendo Controllers!"

Lana laughed. "Not quite. They may look like the controllers we use to play videogames, but these are different, and some of them can really hurt people." She pointed to the controller and the Zapper. "Tell me, Max... which color of Zapper do you like the most? Orange or gray?"

Max responded. "Gray"

Lana unlocked the case and removed the belt and a gray zapper. "Then this Zapper and this belt are yours, now. Take them, and beat back Ridley!"

Max smiled at the awesome gun now in his possession. "Wow... thanks! So, uh... can I have the other stuff too?"

Lana started laughing, then looked at him again. "Get going, Captain N."

"awww..."

Meanwhile, on board a federation cruiser, Samus Aran found herself on her knees. How did it happen? She had him right where she wanted him, she swore... Now, she was Ridley's prisoner... After Max left, Ridley started talking a lot, circling around her, and making her uncomfortable... Then suddenly, she just couldn't move. The suit felt like it weighed a ton...

"What's wrong, kid? Why don't you take the suit off, and you can move around a little?", Ridley said from across the small room. In his mouth was a cigar from a stash he found in the ship, probably the Captain's. Of course, he wanted Samus to take the suit off so he could tear her apart, like a snail without a shell. Even if she couldn't move, she was at least protected.

"Well, tell ya what... we're gonna be making a trip real soon to Aether... you remember that place?"

"I'll bet you fucked it up just like you fucked up Zebes... and Tallon IV... and all those other places the Chozo ran off to..." Samus whispered.

Ridley smiled and walked up to her, laying his hand on her metal back and gently stroking it. "It's only because we love them so much... ...you know, underneath, you really are a beautiful woman. If you'd stop dressing up like a Chozo and look in the mirror sometime, maybe you'd see that."

Samus angrily swore at Ridley. "Fuck you! Fuck you! You just want me to take this suit off so you can kill me! I don't care how long I have to wait, I'm not taking it off, so fuck you!"

Ridley sighed, and sat back down in his chair. "Suit yourself... but it's true, you know... Even your friends would tell you that..."

Samus refused to think about it. She knew exactly what Ridley was trying to do, but somehow, she knew he was right... she would have to come out of her shell someday... but right now, it would kill her. She continued to ponder how to escape with both the suit - and her life- intact...


	9. RoMW, Ch 8: Parapa, concluded

It was dark when the Hunter II returned to Parapa Palace. Stars in the sky were glittering brightly against the beautiful dark sapphire background, and the heat of the day turned to chittering cold at night. Link waited outside the ship for Max...

"Link! What happened? Where's Samus?"

"Ridley stuck something on her back, and then she just fell down... Like pressure points... but for metal... or something. Anyways, they're in the fed ship right now!" Link explained.

Max stared at him. "Why aren't you doing anything!"

"I was waiting for you to come back!" Link told him, and then drew a spiky blue and red sword.

Max knew exactly what sword it was. "Is that the Magic Sword?"

Link nodded and smiled. "I like this sword. When I stab things with it, lazors come out!" and he proceeded to hug his sword, until Max pointed to the ship. "Oh, right, that."

Max drew his Zapper and quietly entered the ship with Link right behind him. The first target they came across was a trooper pirate. Strong, but easily defeated. "These guys are a little stronger than the usual pirate," Link said. "Let me take him." Link thrust in the pirate's direction, and a sword shaped bolt of energy flew from his sword and impaled the pirate in the chest. The bolt exploded into sparks, and the pirate fell down, a hole in his chest. "Right. Well, that was easy..."

Max and Link walked into a room with two lesser pirates sitting down. When they saw the heroes, they quickly got up, but Max pulled his gun and fired. KABLASH! KABLASH! A bright flash from both the gun and the pirates, and the crustaceans' heads had been blasted to bloody chunks. "Not bad shooting!" said Link.

The two traveled up an elevator to the main bridge. Max hadn't even started thinking of the fact that he was working with one of his favorite videogame characters, he was just thinking of beating Ridley, and impressing everyone. And here it wasn't like Link cared much about his self-image, he saw something else in what he did... They all saw something else in their jobs... They did them for other people... Max liked this, and wanted to help others, but even still, he didn't feel what they felt, and it bothered him a little...

Suddenly, a bolt of plasma nicked Link's shoulder. "Damn! That's my sword arm, too!"

Max quickly shot a hole in the pirate, then looked at Link. "Can you still shoot beams?"

Link looked up. "Yeah, of course. It's a magic sword. But they might not come out as fast... or as strong..." Max started noticing a difference in real life and game physics...

Max then made a decision. "Link, go back and take care of Zelda."

Link shot up, a bit freaked out. "Huh? But you can't beat Ridley!"

Max smiled. "I don't have to. I just have to find Samus."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Oookay then..." and headed back towards the docking bay. Max ran to the end of the corridor, and opened the door at the end. There, on the floor, was Samus Aran.

"Samus! Are you okay? Hold still and I'll get that thing off your back..."

Samus shook her head. "Run. I can get it... I can..." no, she couldn't.

Max ripped it off and tossed it aside. "Come on, get up..."

Samus looked him in the face. "You fool... run!"

No sooner had she said this than Ridley had grabbed up Max and Samus, carrying them up out of the ship. While flying in place, he dangled them helplessly high over Parapa Desert. "Now, I don't know, Samus might survive this... but I said I was gonna kill you today, and for once I think I'm gonna keep my word!"

Samus noticed Max's arm was free (and he was equipped). She looked at him for a few moments, then up at Ridley. "Then what? I'm still not taking off this suit!"

Ridley looked her in the eyes. "Then I'll... I'll... I dunno... How exac... I mean..." Ridley wasn't sure how to get rid of Samus for good. Honest, if she wasn't gonna take that suit off, He'd have to fight her to the death. He's tried it before, and it never really worked out in his favor.

"Face it, Ridley," Samus told him. "Without Mother Brain, you're helpless."

Ridley hated hearing that name. "I don't need the interface. I didn't need it when I corrupted Tallon IV, or when I killed your mother..."

"Yeah... but you were young... stronger... now you're just an old dragon. But I'm still very nimble... ...and I can turn into a ball!" And then she did just that, slipping out of Ridley's grasp and dropping simply onto the sand below, with no harm taken.

"What the! Then what am I..." Ridley looked in his claw to find a bomb instead. The bomb went off, and Max fell out of Ridley's clutches. Ridley began chasing down after him, but suddenly, a whirling green energy saw cut his hand off, then turned into Samus, who grabbed Max in her arms and gently soared back down to Terra firma. On the way down, she plugged Ridley with a Super Missile, which sent him into the stratosphere.

"Alright, we smoked him!" Max cheered. If anyone could see Samus's face, they'd know she was smiling too.

"Yep, ya got him alright", Link said. "Looks like all that's left is his shadow!"

Max and Samus both looked at Link, then at their feet. Sure enough, a Ridley shaped shadow was growing around them. "Shit..." said Samus.

Ridley landed on top of Samus, holding her in his talons. "Now you've REALLY MADE ME MAD!" Ridley brought her to his face, and blasted her with fire. The suit glowed hot on the outside, before Ridley tossed her to the sand, frustrated. Then, he looked down and saw Max pointing his gun straight at him.

"What are you gonna do with that gun, kid?" Ridley asked.

Right on cue, Max pulled the trigger, saying nothing. A bright flash, and Ridley's chest exploded. Max had excellent timing.

"Noo! Master!", exclaimed an Elite Pirate upon finding Ridley's bleeding body in the sand. "Quickly, fools! He needs medical attention! Let's get out of here!"

Max started to give chase, but Samus put a hand on his shoulder. "That's good enough... let them go..."

"But Samus, what about all they did to..."

"They'll be back... They'll ALWAYS be back... but you did good enough, kid. You really did a good job today."

Max looked at her. "Are you smiling under there or what?"

Samus laughed, and unlocked some latches on helmet. "Here... maybe this'll help..."

Samus brought her hands to her helmet and slowly removed it... Max, Link, and just about everyone else was in for a big surprise.

"...Turtle!"


	10. Building a Bond

In the fields that night, there was joy and celebration. The new hero had appeared, blasted Ridley, and happiness would soon return to the world for sure. Unfortunately, as Max would soon find out, you didn't necessarily need bad guys to have a bad time.

"C'mon!", said Max to an unsuited Samus Aran. She was once again in her large green sweater, burying her face in the collar somewhat.

"I..it's cool... I mean can't I wear my power suit?"

Max looked Samus in the eyes. "Samus, I was a lot like you once, believe me... but this is the golden opportunity to make memories. To laugh, to love, to cry... all of it... and if you don't do it now, then when everyone grows up and moves on, you'll get left behind and wish you'd participated."

Samus was a bit surprised at Max's sage words. "I don't want that to happen..."

Max took her hand and tugged on it. "Then come on! The Zeldas are throwing this big party for everyone, and you're gonna miss right out on it!"

Samus finally buckled and followed Max, but stayed close to him, as they walked to the center of the field. Our heroes were no longer at the Parapa site, but rather somewhere in the fields North of Saria Town. Stars were out, there was singing and dancing, and best of all, fresh air and free alcohol.

"Hey, there's our man!" said Mario as he reunited with Max. "You, my friend deserve all da beer you can drink! After all, can't let Link have all da fun!" he said as Link suddenly ran across the field, stark naked and wearing his hat over his privates.

"The fairies! The fairies are revolting! Get out of my head, Spryte!" Everyone watched the spectacle until Link dissappeared behind the tall grass. Then they went back to mingling.

Mario looked back at Max. ". Okay maybe not... but what about you, Turtle? Maybe it'll help?"

Samus shook her head. "Thanks Mario, but I don't think..." It was around this point that Max informed Mario that she was Samus all along.

"Samus, eh?" said Mario as he looked her over, then nudged Max. "Yeah. Get her nice and drunk, man."

"I am not getting drunk! You guys got me out of the suit, but I'm not comfortable going any further just yet!" she said, a little distressed.

===========One hour later====================

"And then, the hatchling... I swear to god I'm not making this up... the Metroid actually GAVE ME POWER! It was like... hurting, but backwards..."

Max and Mario laughed at the spectacle of a tipsy Samus Aran. Then, she got a little crazy.

"...What happened next? Why do I always try to forget... why do I... oh yeah... Now I remember..."

Max backed up a little. "Uh-oh... I know this..." Mario was too curious to back away though.

"The bitch. The BITCH FUCKING KILLED IT! IT SHOT AT IT OVER AND OVER LIKE IT DIDN'T MATTER! LIKE IT WAS A FUCKING BUG OR SOMETHING! AND THEN.. And then..."

Mario suddenly got very scared. "Mama Mia..."

Samus made a motion with her right arm, as if it was her cannon. "But I had the BITCH'S RAINBOW BEAM! AND I TURNED IT ON HER AND I WAS ALL LIKE TAKE THIS BITCH! POOOOOOOWWW ZZOOOOOOMMM!" Samus was flinging several expletives even I won't repeat at this point. Then, she gently sat down after telling her story. "And that's why Zebes doesn't exist anymore. Wanna hear more?"

Max wasn't a very heavy drinker, but when he did drink, he managed to keep it down... Samus however quickly became the life of the party, and it looked like she was ready to leave... "Samus... If you tell them all your adventures tonight, what will you tell them later?"

Samus smiled. "I'll tell them... about how I'll tell them..."

Max smiled and took her hand gently. "Why don't you sleep on it?"

Mario butted in. "Aw come on, man! Aren't you gonna stay for the drinking contest?" Max shook his head, but Samus seemed interested.

==============yet another hour later============

Mario was cheering the two combatants, while everyone else had pretty much passed out in the fields. "How ya doin, challenger?"

Samus hiccuped but responded. "More."

Max was very tipsy, but he could at least see straight ahead. "Heh... I love you..."

Samus laughed. "I know... I'm hot... hehehe... why don't you make a move or something?"

Mario was encouraging, but not obnoxious. "eh, let's not for now and pretend we did, eh?"

Samus looked over at Mario. "You're a bunch of babies..." she raised her glass one more time, then finally collapsed. The glass never reached her lips. Max was the winner.

Mario sighed. "Thank god, somebody won... we can go... c'mon, Max. You can stay at da castle again with us!"

Max nodded. "I... can I bring gorgeous?"

Mario giggled. "Sure... looks like we'll need to carry her though..."

Max nodded. "I'll take her ship to the castle, you carry her in.."

Mario stopped Max. "ahhh, I think I should drive..."

Max couldn't remember a whole lot of what happened that night... at some point during the trip home, Samus woke up and started flirting with Max... everything else was a blank...

======================the next morning=======================

Max woke up in a luxurious bed the next morning, feeling suprisingly well, like he got a full night's sleep. No hangover, no headache. Still, something seemed very wrong, even as the cheerful mushroom kingdom sunlight cascaded through the window and on his face. "woooo... what happened last night..." Then, he realized he was completely naked. "Did I do this?"

Max was very confused about the whole situation, then finally glanced over at the other side of the queen-sized bed. A mess of golden blond hair came out from under the covers. Max was afraid to pull the sheet down, but he did, and came to find the scary truth. Underneath was Samus, sleeping peacefully, and completely naked. Her body was drop-dead gorgeous, but Max wasn't thinking about that. Just how much trouble he was in...

"it's okay... it's okay... nobody needs to know what happened..." He said to himself... "Maybe she'll remember even less..."

"Good mooooorrrnning!", said Mario as he came in with breakfast. "I made so-Mama Mia! You guys have fun last night?"

Max's expression just sank. "I'm gonna die, and Samus is gonna kill me."


	11. BaB, Ch 1: Not really what I meant, Max

"Max, I don't see what you're worried about", Mario called out, trying to keep up with Max as he walked through the hallway and out the front door. "She's obviously into you, and she told you to make a move herself!"

"Mario don't you get it?", Max finally shouted, "She was drunk! We both were! Any minute now, she's gonna wake up, and if she finds me, I'm gonna die. I need to get out of here!"

Mario shook his head. "I dunno man... but if you really think dis is so bad..."

"It is!"

"Then maybe there's a few places in the Kingdom you can hide at."

"Mario, you are a lifesaver."

After sadly boarding Max on a train to a small _Animal Crossing_ town called Applejack, Mario went back to the castle. There, in the mess hall, he found Samus eating a bowl of cereal. She was wearing panties and a T-shirt, and her hair looked a little messed up. When she heard Mario's footsteps, she tried to focus intently on her cereal and not make eye contact.

"Oh, good morning", Mario called to her.

"Hnnn, morning Mario... where's Max?"

Mario sighed. "Well, after what happened last night, he got scared and ran off. Stupid, huh?"

Samus looked up. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Mario sighed again. "He thinks he had sex with you last night when you were both drunk... I don't think it's dat big of a deal, but..."

Samus stared at Mario in disbelief. "It's a wonder how you relate to women... ...no, nothing happened.", Samus explained, eyes closed and leaning her elbow against the table, still a bit drowsy. "I stumbled into his room cause I was drunk and horny, but he kept complaining, then when he finally agreed, he fell asleep. It was very disappointing... ...eh, but maybe it's better that way..."

Mario looked up. "Wait... you mean you never even did it?"

Samus shook her head. "No! God, imagine if we had… uh, where is he?"

"Went to get a house of his own in Applejack."

Samus stared at Mario. "Mario, I gotta find him and set things straight."

Max emerged from Tom Nook's store. His small stint as a grocery delivery boy was over, and he could now procrastinate on his debt to Nook. He smiled in the warm sun of the morning, and the bright colors of the earth. Then, much to his dismay, Tom came waddling up to him.

"Hello, Max! Well well, enjoying your new pad, hmmm? I'll admit it isn't much, but you seem to know my financial drill..."

"Is that why you're here?" asked Max. "I can't pay that all back in a day..."

Tom chuckled. "hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! No, actually, there's a telephone call for you at my shop. It sounds like Super Mario on the other end! Hurry and answer it, hmm?"

Max followed Tom back to his store and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Max! How's ya new pad?"

Max smiled. "Mario! How's things over at the castle? What about Samus?"

Mario decided he shouldn't have to tell Max everything. "She's headed your way actually."

Max went flush. "W...What? What do I do?"

"Just stay calm, I think it's alright... Max? You there?"

The train left the station, and Max was on board.

"So, he left just about an hour ago?"

"Yes yes! Seemed something flustered, hmmm? I hope his debt didn't intimidate him too much, hmm?"

Samus stood back up from kneeling to the little raccoon. "Or something else... did he say where he was headed?"

Mr. Nook nodded. "I think he went back to the Mushroom Kingdom... flower town, actually."

"Thanks..."

Samus was growing more and more worried. She chased after Max, but everytime she got close, he had left again, and made more work for her. Eventually, this tirade led Max to a land of smoke and lava... He came across a large ominous castle with a huge door. He lifted the knocker and made noise with it.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" said a grumpy voice inside. Max hoped he wasn't doing something even worse.

"B..Bowser?"

"Yeah, that's me. Hey, you're that new Captain N kid, aren't ya?"

"Y-yes... um... I need a place to stay, and... "

Bowser suddenly broke into an unusual smile. "Yes! Please, come on in! I just CAN'T understand why nobody wants to visit here anymore! Do I smell or something?"

Bowser clearly wasn't much of a villain these days, and when he was it was mostly out of boredom from both parties. His castle was still dark and scary, but Bowser himself was a lonely sort. His kids grew up and moved out, leaving the tyrant to himself. "Sorry the place is kind of a mess", he grunted. "So... why come here of all places?"

Max looked down. "I think I did a very bad thing..."

Bowser smiled. "Kid, I'm King Koopa. You can't top me."

Max sighed. "Ever get SAMUS ARAN drunk and take advantage of her?"

Bowser then gulped. "Uh... no.."

Max continued forward across a lava bridge, and Bowser now felt a little more scared. "She's not gonna blow my castle up if she finds you... is she?"

Max shook his head. "She's not gonna find me here... nobody will... I'm just gonna stop being Captain N. After all, it looks like you need a protege..."

Bowser stomped his foot. "No way, kid. I'm sorry, but... no! What the hell! Listen to yourself! Max, you have the potential to be a great hero, and if you don't have the BALLS to confront her now and work this out, then you might as well bend over now, because you're gonna get nailed like that for the rest of your life! Do you understand?"

Max shook his head. "But what if I make it worse?"

Bowser put his big mitt on the kid's shoulder. "If you somehow make her even angrier, then you can stay here with me. Otherwise, you gotta make your peace."

Max sighed. "A-alright... I'll try..."

Bowser smoked a pipe and did his best Yoda impersonation. "Do or do not... there is no try."

Max thanked Bowser for his advice and returned to Peach's castle. When he arrived, Mario was home, but Samus was not.

"Hey, stringbean! Where ya been?"

Max looked miserable. "Bowser said I should face Samus... so here I am."

Mario looked happy. "Good! I'm glad you finally agree with me! I'll call her now and let her know..."

The next hour or so was the longest hour of Max's life. He thought about what he would say to her, what she'd say back... and the best escape route if she suddenly went all screw attack. Then, finally, she entered. Max, against his better judgement, ran toward her.

"Hey! There you are!", said Samus quite happily.

Max was nearly in tears when Samus embraced him. "Samus, I didn't mean it... oh my god Samus I'm so sorry..."

Samus sighed. "Well, you're here now that's all that matters..."

Max shook his head. "No, mean about last night... we..."

Samus went wide-eyed, then looked sternly at Mario. "He didn't tell you... Max, you silly goose, I remember more than you do about last night, and let me tell you: NOTHING HAPPENED."

Max looked up. "Nothing?"

Samus nodded. "We talked some, got naked, then you fell asleep. It was kinda funny."

Max started laughing. "Oh... hehe... well I guess we're okay then! Oh god, Samus I love you!" and he hugged her tightly.

Samus smiled, nervously, "You're not so bad yourself... Max..." and her smile slowly faded to a look of horror.

"Oh god what have I done..."


	12. BaB, Ch 2: Samus's Lament

"Are you sure you wanna do this?", Mario asked of Max. "I mean, I understand if butlers, silk sheets and life size Star Wars statues aren't your cup a Joe, I mean why do ya think we don't live here? But still, at least try living with us for awhile..."

Max thanked Luigi, but shook his head. "You guys have been great. Really, you have. I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me... thing is, while I was out, I already picked up this little shack in Applejack... now, I kinda wanna get that paid off, maybe upgrade it... have a few friends over... like you guys."

"…so, you are moving in today, I take it?" Luigi was curious.

Max looked over at Samus, who had heard the conversation with some interest. "Yeah... really, you guys can... come over..."

Mario smiled in a big mustached curve. "Well, same goes ta you. Any time ya wanna see us, da door's open." And with a firm handshake from the plumbers, followed by a hug from the quiet princess, Max and Samus walked across the bridge to the road outside Toadstool Castle.

Max seemed happy to have the time to settle in a place of his own, and Samus was glad to help, but she seemed a little worried. She'd have to tell him the truth before this gets out of hand, and the longer she waited, the harder it would be. It was hard for her to enjoy the bright colors and sunny skies of the realm like this, but she knew she'd probably be back soon. Besides, Applejack wasn't far.

"Max..." she began, fighting just to say the name.

Max turned around. "What's up?"

Samus stalled for words for a few seconds, unsure of what to say. Then, she finally just told him "Nothing... I'll tell you in the ship."

On the trip to the craft, not another word was spoken. Samus hurried past the mushroom people, not sure of what to say or how to respond to anyone. Afterall, Samus did most of her work while in isolation from others. She felt more at home in personal starships and caverns than she did in a place like this. Thus, when she ventured into public, she often hid behind her Varia suit.

Watching Max and his reaction to so many people at once, Samus couldn't help but wonder how he could be so happy and carefree. Smiling, talking to people... how? This raced through Samus's mind as they traveled to the craft. Once inside, Samus pulled ignition and lifted off without a word.

"Hey, Samus... what did you want to talk about before?", Max innocently asked of her. Samus seemed to be in dread. Her usual worried frown took more emphasis now as her eyes closed. "Alright" She thought to herself. "Samus, you got the discussion started. There's no turning back…"

"Max..." Samus began, before holding his hands in her own. "I'm... a lonely person. I wish I could be like you sometimes... you love people! I just..."

Max seemed to know instantly what Samus meant. After all, he was well aware of Samus's isolationist work as well."Oh, Samus... I can help with that! You want to be social? It's easy! I'll show you how."

Samus managed a faint smile. "Will you? Thank you, Max… It's just that I feel a little imprisoned by it…"

Max shook his head and placed his palm on her round metal shoulder. "I'll always be here for you, sweetheart."

"S-sweetheart?"

Samus would have spit up her soda if she'd been drinking any. Her dreadful expression just got a little more dreadful. "Wait, Max, stop... listen, I need to tell you..."

Samus's craft landed outside Max's small house. When the occupants emerged, neither of them seemed to be in good spirits.

Samus looked absolutely horrible. She covered her knees up in her sweater and wrapped her arms around them, gently rocking back and forth... "Max, I'm so sorry... I didn't want to hurt you..." It looked like she was going to cry.

Max shook his head. "No, it's okay... this is my fault... I mean there's a difference between best friends and girlfriends, right? When I first sat down with you inside Parapa Palace, I thought… maybe… I don't know… I thought I could read eyes. You know what I mean by that?"

Samus didn't look up at him, but did weakly respond "...Yes…. I think so..."

Max raised an eyebrow. "Still, I really felt like you did…"

Samus thought for a moment, trying to hold back tears, and shook her head. "No... I just wanted a friend... ...one I hope I can keep for a long, long time..."

Max was moved by Samus's last statement, and sat down with her to hold her tightly. "Don't worry. I won't go anywhere."

Samus returned his embrace desperately. Behind a powerful chozo suit, she may be possibly the most feared presence in the galaxy, but without it, she was really a pretty meek and sad person. The situation had come to closure, but for reasons Max could not understand, Samus was still visibly upset... as she remained in the embrace with Max, she spoke five words, so softly only she could hear them...

"But I do love him..."

Under the suit was also a powerful cyborg. Samus Aran could practically lift Max's new bed all by herself. And despite denying feelings for him, she was more than eager to buy him some furniture, and even square his first debt to Nook.

"Wow, Samus... this really means a lot to me... you didn't HAVE to help me pay the raccoon off though."

Samus shook her head and managed a smile. "I-It's okay. I wanna see you in a decent house, not this office cube!" Then she coughed once. "Erm, there is a condition... ...you see, I don't really have a place I like to call my own... not that I couldn't afford it! I make a lot of money, but if I'm gonna be lonely, I wanna be in my ship is all... ...in short, I'm asking if I can stay with you..."

Max scratched the back of his head. "Are you sure that's a good idea? A guy and a girl under the same roof… and after what happened before..."

Samus shook her head. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that again. Besides, this makes training you much easier, since I can just get up before you, maybe make breakfast or something..."

Max interrupted her. "Training?"

Samus looked to Max. "Oh, Lana didn't tell you! She sent me a note asking if I would supervise you for your probation period... you're still not technically in Kevin's shoes... ...oh, but I'll get to take you to some pretty cool places, and your favorite kingdom of pipes and plants will be one of them!"

Max looked worried. "What about your work?"

Samus shrugged her shoulders. "It's not like I actually "work" for the federation... I *never* do long-term contracts with them... It's basically just them trying to use me for my suit... In any case, I think I can stand a break from that for a little while... who knows, maybe when I go back to it, you'll be the one fighting Ridley!"

Max watched Nook and some beavers start upgrading the house, with all the furniture still in it. "Me?"

Samus sighed and looked up at the sky... "I hope for good... don't get me wrong, if I thought obliterating Ridley's body would end him for good, I'd totally have done it. But there's always something to repair. And even if there isn't… well… ...that's why I need your help, Max. I need to remove Ridley, AND the space pirates from my life once and for all, and I need you by my side... please..."

"Hmm..." thought Max. "There's more going on with this than it seems... she seems so desperate for help, and absolutely desperate for me... ...but not enough to... ...huh... we'll find out over time..."

Max looked up at Samus and put a hand on her shoulder. "Teach me to survive the dangerous parts of this world Samus, and I'll teach you how to survive the peaceful parts. I promise. Now, what do you say we go for some ice cream? It looks like these guys are gonna take awhile..."

Samus looked up at the site, and saw the animals scurry about. "hehehe... yeah, why not." Without thinking about it, she held his hand as they returned to the ship. Then, realized this and let go, embarrassed.

Their base of operations is unknown... Every planet under Federation authority is patrolled and empty... Even the brown chunks of Zebes they managed to halt and gather into a slow moving asteroid field are empty... but somewhere, hidden away in a dark corner of space (if corners exist), a wounded dragon sleeps in a large tank...

"His vitals are improving", informed the pirate scientist to the commander. "He should be able to perform again at full capacity given some ti-eh?"

As he said this, He watched the dragon move his finger in his sleep. "mmmmm... very good..."


	13. BaB, Ch 3: Party like it's 1985

It was a sunny quiet afternoon in Applejack. Max was enjoying the day and greeting his neighbors on that fine Halloween day. Oh, it was moments like this that made him always long to live in videogame worlds like the Mushroom Kingdom. Then, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Max turned around, and nearly jumped out of his skin: Standing right there was a Zebesian space pirate!

The pirate stood there for a few moments staring at him, and then it finally spoke. "Are you gonna get dressed or what?" It had Samus's voice.

Max, embarrassed, went inside to change. Samus followed behind and called out to him from outside his room. "We have to go in five minutes! Look I know you like it here but come on, man!"

Max stepped out, wearing a big thick moustache, red shirt, overalls, and carrying a red cap in his hand. "Wait... are you going too?"

Samus smiled and shrugged. "I am if you are. Just don't leave me hanging, okay? Mario scares me sometimes..."

Max could agree. Mario certainly meant well, but his view on things (and his advice) wasn't always... well... useful. "Oh, by the way... I think Doug will be there too..."

Samus stopped dead in her tracks. "...Douglas?"

Max could tell she wasn't happy. "Yep. So, is he like a rival of yours?"

Samus shook her head. "No, Captain Falcon is just a delusional hunter who thinks we were meant for each other... I'd get a restraining order on him, but I'm not exactly… well… let's just say I'd rather stay on Gaia for right now…" She said, nervously, as they loaded onto Hunter-II. "Well, ready to go back to North Palace?"

It was only a few years ago that Samus, infected by a viral lifeform known as X during a tour of the metroid homeworld SR-388, was given a life-saving metroid vaccine, which forever altered her genetic and cellular makeup. In addition to a temporary change in her suit's appearance, Her original Hunter-II craft was destroyed and had to be replaced. She did not speak of what happened to the purple, insect-like Hunter III, or how her old Hunter-II craft had been mysteriously repaired. All she would say was what happened to her suit. Apparently, near the end of her mission, her original appearance had been completely restored after she absorbed one of the dreaded SA-X, special X organisms that would mimick her and her varia suit. This was of course contrary to what Max remembered from _Metroid Fusion_, but shrugged it off. It actually sounded even cooler than the game!

Hunter-II hurtled through the sky for about an hour until it finally began a landing cycle for North Palace's airstrip. "...hope I can find a place to park..."

Max looked out the window and saw many familiar vehicles. The Falcon Flyer, Koopa's Klown Kar, and Auto's truck. Then, there was a pickup truck parked next to the Klown Kar. "Excitetruck?"

Thankfully, Samus managed to find a parking spot, though it was much further away than she would have liked. "No matter," Samus said. "I think this Halloween party'll be good for both of us. You'll get to meet a lot of interesting people, including the old brotherhood."

Max turned to ask. "What's that?"

Samus smiled, as if reminiscing. "Ah, the old brotherhood... before Kevin showed up, a brotherhood banded together to help protect this world, consisting of a vampire killer, an angel, and a robot. After Kevin joined that team, I kinda sorta fell in as an unofficial member..."

Max nodded, figuring the first member might be part of the Belmont clan, but had no idea who the other two might be. At the current rate, he couldn't even recognize anyone entering the castle because they were all in costume. So, he just went with the flow and kept walking, along with the space pirate next to him. A creepy but definetely Link-looking butler greeted them at the door.

It took Max a while to notice that Samus was holding onto his right arm. "she's shy", he figured, and they went to look for a table. Then Samus saw someone she knew, dressed as He-man. "Oh! Max! Go introduce yourself to He-man over there and get him to come sit with us!"

Max pointed to the man. "Him?"

Samus was smiling giddily. "Yes! yes!"

The Mustacheod Max walked up to the barbarian and introduced himself as Max. When the man heard this, he smiled enthusiastically and shook his hand.

"Ah, mine friend! How good it is to finally meet you!" he said in a thick East European accent. "Does you like mine costume? I would have tried a Ninja turtle but..."

Max blinked his eyes. "Wait a minute, you're Simon Belmont!"

Simon laughed heartily and bowed. "Yes, I am. And I see you haven't come alone?"

Max pulled Simon over to the table with Samus, who was still jittery with excitement. Samus took off her pirate headpiece. "Hey, Simon. Remember me?"

Simon had to think a little bit, and even put on his reading glasses for just a second, but soon figured it out. "Ah! Lady Samus! I see you've finally found a boyfriend that doesn't stalk you... are you supposed to be the queen from Alien?"

Samus shook her head. "No, random pirate. I like your costume, by the way. It's way more 80's than Mario here."

Meanwhile, Bowser was at the ballroom bar and ordering his first drink. "Uh-oh, when Bowser gets drunk, he gets mean... Simon, Max, why don't you go look for Pit, and Megaman?"

Max thought for a moment while walking. "Hmm, Megaman's here..."

Mario, Luigi, and Peach were a little late to the party. "Confound it, Mario! Once again, we arrive late to da party and dere's NO PARKING SPOTS. Perhaps I should be left in charge of dese things…"

Mario snapped at Luigi. "Hey, shut up! How was I supposed ta know to take da left warp pipe at Albuquerque Land?" Besides, we didn't even bring a car."

Luigi got annoyed. "NO! You always do dis! I always say, "Mario I know how to get dere. Allow me ta accompany ya" and you're always like "nuuuhh I don't need any help!""

Peach quietly tried to interrupt. "Mario... Luigi..."

"Well maybe if I didn't have ta constantly look afta my little brother and he could take care a himself..."

"I CAN take care a myself!"

"Mario... Lui-"

"Just let me do things by myself!"

"!"

Everyone looked up and at Princess Peach. "Mario, you made us late. Luigi, if it bothers you that much, go on an adventure of your own, or heck just do something at the castle with me if you're bored. Got it?"

The frightened plumbers quietly put their hands to their sides and continued walking forward. "Yes, your highness..."

Peach suddenly returned to her sunny chipper attitude when she saw Max. "Oh look there's you, Mario!"

Peach, bizarrely enough was wearing a Zero Suit costume, while Mario and Luigi were dressed as Laurel and Hardy. "Heh, I dress as Samus, and you dress as Mario. Small world, eh? so what's this thing with you guys?"

Simon blinked. "Can you not tell? That's Samus!"

Peach gasped. "Oh! Samus I'm so sorry, I didn't recognize you under the... ...well anyways, like my costume?"

Samus put her hand to her chin in deep thought. "Weeeeell, the cups are a little flat, but-hey I'm just kidding!" And she gave Peach a big hug.

"Wow", said Mario. "That's kinda hot..."

"Yeah," said Max. "At least she's socializing with people she knows. And Captain Falcon is nowhere to be-WHAP!"

Before Max could finish his sentence, something clobbered him hard on the skull and knocked him out. When he woke up, Megaman and Pit were on the dance floor, doing some sort of techno.

"Max, Max, you alright? Guess Bowser and the hammer bros. got a little too tipsy..."

Max shook his head and looked around. Peach had left a few hours ago, and Bowser was surprisingly sober. "Mama Mia... Someone's taken Peach!"

Simon shook his head. "No, Peach went..."

Max jumped to his feet. "We gotta save da princess! AND YOU GOTTA HELP ME, Luigi! Come on!"

Luigi blinked. "I'm… are ya asking for a companion on ya adventure?"

Mario watched this spectacle. "Oh, crap… kid thinks he's me. Come on, Luigi, we betta tell da princess what happened..."

Luigi ignored him and took Max's hand. "You go on ahead... I'm going to have an adventure with "Super Mario!""

Mario shook his head. "But Luigi, what about... ...ahhh alright fine! Go on a pointless adventure to Bowser's castle, see what I care..." and with that, Max and Luigi ran off to the warp pipe. As soon as they were gone, Mario stared sternly at Bowser. "Alright Bowser, you started this, now ya gotta help us finish it!"

"You gotta be kidding...", said Bowser, who really didn't want to be bossed around. Thankfully, Mario knew how to speak his language.

"How long has it been since ya done somethin REAL sinister? Or heck, just had me come up to da castle and save Peach? I get bored too dese days... don't tell me ya don't wanna play along with all dis head trauma!"

Bowser thought about Mario's proposition. "Alright, I'll do it! What do you need from me?"

"We're gonna let dis play out until Max and Luigi reach your castle. Then we can hold Max dere until he comes back to his senses..."

Bowser looked at Mario with little faith. "This won't work without Peach in a cage or something."

Mario smiled. "Not a problem. If I explain da situation to her, I'm sure she'll play along too. Remember, we don't want him freaking out or nothin. We'll just let him think he's me for a little while until he reaches ya castle."

Bowser nodded. "Sounds good to me. I'll go get ready now..." he hopped into his clown car with the hammer brothers, flying to a pipe in the clouds.

Mario sighed. "Max, Luigi... I hope you can take good care of each other..."


	14. BaB, Ch 4: Party like it's 1985, cont

"What do you mean he's missing?"

Mario tried to explain to Peach as best as he could. "Well he's not totally unattended. Luigi is looking afta him. Last time I heard from him, they were on their way ta Starlight Heights..."

Peach thought to herself. "The sixth of the eight main provinces..." The mainland of the Mushroom Kingdom consisted of a small continent with five provinces (better known to Max as the original Super Mario Bros' Worlds 2-4 to 7-1) and two islands. (One relatively flat island, Worlds 1-1 to 2-1. The other was a large hilly island on which Bowser once took over Toadstool Fortress. Worlds 7-4 to 8-4. some "worlds" were at sea.) Max and Luigi, therefore were somewhere around world 6.

"Anyways, Bowser is gonna try ta meet up with em at Toadstool Fortress, but they're coming for you, so he kinda needs ya there." Mario explained.

Peach's face lit up, with a big grin across her face "Really? Are you serious! YYYESS! ! I hardly ever see that big turtle anymore! It gets so boring around here... when is he coming?"

Then, Bowser burst through the double doors of Peach Castle. "RIGHT NOW! So, is everyone ready?"

Mario did his best butler impersonation. "Ya captive awaits".

Peach ran off towards Bowser and his clown car. "Wish us luck, Mario!"

Jazzy music was practically running through Max's head as he leaped from grassy tree-like platform to platform. The stars were still out, and clouds hung below the stalks... The landscape around them was absolutely dreamlike; huge mushroom-like trees rising up and penetrating the clouds below, with stars and moonlight above. Luigi was close behind, and enjoying every minute of it.

"Look! There's the castle! Maybe Peach is inside..."

Luigi nodded and followed him. He knew for sure that she wasn't (was she ever?), but was enjoying the adventure too much to care. Of course, they entered the capitol castle of Starlight Heights, but it no longer held lava, firebars, or even any old maze spells. In fact, it looked kinda nice.

"Hmm... is this some sort of trick?", Max asked of Luigi.

Luigi thought for a moment. "Well, recall dat dis all happened along time ago. It appears that this realm is still at peace. If ya want Bowsa, we must continue on ta Toadstool Fortress."

Max nodded. "Well dis aint as fun!"

Luigi mumbled. "Great. He's talkin like us now.."

On the way to the unfortunate fortress, Max and Luigi entered some new worlds, including Halloween world, which had a token spooky theme to it, and everyone (and enemies) dressed in costumes. After defeating Kount Koopa, The plumbers were able to pass, and reach the somewhat more inviting Christmas World, where it was always snowy but heartwarming. Before leaving, Luigi picked up a super mushroom. When he ate the fungus, his whole body flashed different colors, and when the smoke settled, he had grown to Max's height and looked much stronger. "Alright! let's get goin ta the fortress!"

In the seventh province, Max and Luigi faced jumping cheep-cheeps, a sea full of bloopers, and a few hammer brothers. Thankfully, they found some fire flowers. When they picked these rare flowers, Their overalls and hats turned to a badass white, and they now had the upper hand against their foes. "Good", Luigi said. "Dese suits will also offer some resistance ta fire."

"Hey, Luigi, eva notice how da fireballs work in da wata?"

"Luigi scratched his head. "Yes… I have found dat very strange..."

They eventually forgot the oddity as they finally approached Toadstool Fortress. Inside, this world 8-4 did not resemble its more peaceful counterparts. Indeed, the lava and firebars were back in full force. Somehow, in Max's mind, he still knew exactly what route to take to reach Bowser.

Luigi's enthusiasm was starting to diminish as he realized the adventure would soon be over, and he'd have to go back to staying behind because apparently Mario was never in danger like he was. So much bullshit out of that tiny man's mouth... Luigi got tired of it sometimes. He knew Mario just worried about him, but why wouldn't he just... argh... The thoughts brewed and churned in his mind, as the green plumber brooded. "Mario… you fool."

Max approached the bridge, and found Bowser with Peach in a cage, sure enough. "So, Bowser, we meet again, for the last time for the first time... wait... dammit..."

He tried again, Bowser patiently waiting. "Uh... We meet again... again... no hold on...

One more time. Bowser had a giant sweat drop on the back of his head. "When last I saw you I was but a learner... now I am... fuck..."

Bowser lost his patience. "Just fight me already so I can dunk your head in the lava!", he said with a menacing smile. Said lava was situated much further below the bridge than one would think, and several fans were blowing cold air at the bridge's occupants, while removing the toxic particles. It was still unbearably hot in the room, though.

"Hope yer ready, cause I'm gonna clean your pipes!" Max screamed.

Bowser stood there looking at "Maxio", a bit dumbfounded... actually everyone was staring at him. Then Peach started snickering, followed by Luigi. Pretty soon, everyone was laughing at that stupid line.

Maxio just couldn't figure it out. "What? It was a perfectly good one-liner!"

That's when Bowser took the opportunity to clobber him on the head with his big mitts. Once again, Maxio went out cold. His outfit changed colors back to red and blue, while Luigi hovered over him, trying to wake him up.

"Hey, he's coming to! Yo, Max, are you alright? Do ya rememba anything?"

Max held his head in pain, trying to remember what happened. "Uh... why are we in a fortress? Why is Peach in a cage? … OWWW! OW WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! FFFFFFFFFUCK THAT FLOOR IS HOT! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BURST INTO FLAMES!" he screamed, wiping sweat from his brow. Bowser certainly loved the dramatic effect of lava, but even he knew that you had to take convection into consideration. Thus, the fans and the depth.

Luigi's eyes, for the moment, lit up. "Max! You're okay!"

Max looked at Luigi, confused. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine as long as my shoes don't melt to the floor!... seriously, what's going on?"

Peach looked at Bowser. "Well, I guess you can let me out now." Bowser just stood there looking at Peach, with a wicked smile on his face.

"...Bowser?"

Bowser shook his head. "Like Mario said, it's been too damn long since I done this! You want out? Pray they can beat me."

"Aww man, how am I supposed to beat him? If only Samus was around... ...oh god, where is she? DAMMIT IT IS HOT IN HERE WHY CAN'T I HAVE FIRE FLOWER PROTECTION?" Max suddenly felt very incompetant when he no longer thought he was Mario, and had no idea what to think of the King of Koopas, who once gave him inspirational advice.

"Aw, too bad... Max doesn't wanna fight... guess it's all up to "second fiddle" now, eh?" Bowser sneered.

Luigi's expression suddenly changed, and he coldly, quietly approached Bowser. "Never call me that." And with that, he jumped over Bowser's attack, grabbed his tail, and swung him out of the fortress. Luigi then and there proved he was a badass.

"Hey! Oh god not you! Ow! I'm not a !", Someone had bounced off the flying Bowser and entered the room. The real Mario! He was standing at about Max's height, and dressed in white and red.

"Sorry I'm late, I heard that Bowser was getting carried away, but I guess Max here took care of it all by himself! Good work, kid!"

Max smiled and shook his head. "Oh no, don't thank me. Luigi is the one that essentially kicked his ass. I would appreciate being told what just happened though... and maybe a huge bucket of ice…", he said as he took off his fake mustache, the adhesive of which was already peeling in the heat.

"Eh, long story", Mario said. "What matters is it worked!"

"What worked?"

"Nothin. Let's just go home, eh? Samus's been worrying about you..."

Max sighed. "okay..."

Max sighed as he approached his house. With no recollection of his experience as Mario, most of the night as far as he was concerned was a total bust. When he heard Samus's voice though, he smiled to find her with her arms open, awaiting embrace.

"Hey... you had a long night, Max", she said as she held him tight. "Don't worry though, I had Simon to hang with..."

"Samus... what happened?" Max had to ask.

"You don't remember? Well, I'll tell you inside..."

OPERATION STATUS: COMPLETED

SUBJECT: PIRATE PRIME RANK 1 "RIDLEY"

Life force: 100%. awaiting conscious activation.

Waking... Waking...

"Sir... can you hear me?"

"Ow... god... I can still feel it...", the dragon said, his eyes half open, and his arms weakly rubbing his chest and belly.

"Yes, I'm afraid that area is going to burn for a little while until you have properly healed...", the laboratory pirate explained to his captain. "In the meantime, I suggest you rest, and-"

"I DON'T NEED REST!" Screamed Ridley as he jumped off the table and spread his wings, knocking the lab pirate to his feet. "I JUST NEED THAT LITTLE TURD'S HEAD ON A PLATE! HEAR ME, AS LONG AS MY CHEST BURNS, SO DOES MY HEART... IT BURNS FOR REVENGE!"

The lab pirate got up and tried to calm him down. "But sir, you can't! At your current rate, you can't even fly for more than a few seconds!"

Ridley grabbed him up and brought him to his face. "Then you better find someone to go for me, or I'll send YOU out there!"

The sniveling pirate nodded. "Yes, right away! I'll start making some calls!"

Ridley looked down at his status and sighed.

"Samus..."


	15. BaB, Ch 5: The Legend of Kevin Keene

Max sat down to a plate of pancakes and syrup. For once, Samus was smiling in the warm glow of the sunrise like a sleepy kitten, and even dressed in a cute apron. In contrast, Max still felt like crap.

"Hey, Samus... you and Simon... ...how long have you known each other, anyways?" he said, while stabbing at a flapjack with his fork.

Samus turned around and crossed her arms. "Do I detect some sort of envy, Max..."

Max looked up. Simon was a beefcake, had known Samus for quite awhile longer, and Samus seemed pretty happy to see him, so the answer to that question was pretty obvious.

"Nope! Just curious! ^^"

"Hmmm", said a suspicious Samus. "Well, if you must know, I met him a little while after I met Pit... I had actually known Pit for a little while before I heard about this brotherhood, but I never actually thought much of it. At least, not until I met Kevin..."

Max wasn't touching his food. "So, you joined because of Kevin?"

Samus's smile faded. "Yeah. He was... well..."

"Yeah?"

"He was... close to Lana. They were really pretty close. You know how it is, Hero and Princess... I, however, was not that close with Lana. And I needed to be."

Max looked up. "So you just wanted to be buddies with Lana?"

Samus shook her head. "No, that's just why I joined. Fighting alongside them, I started seeing much less selfish reasons. Things just work that way, y'know? Anyway, Simon was an outsider in his own way. At the time he joined the brotherhood, he didn't speak very good English after all. So, me and Mega Man would often help translate for him..."

Max had been meaning to ask about the robot. "What was Mega Man like?

Samus yawned. "Well, Rock was a good friend, but he struggled with a lot of issues. He was always questioning human ideas and emotions, completely fascinated by them, but at the same time frustrated because he couldn't quite understand them. Honestly though, I think that had all changed by the time we disbanded, and he came out highly enlightened." she said with a smile. "Kevin was good to him, too. He was kinda like a big brother..." Max was reminded of the fact that Blues never quite fulfilled that role for Rock.

"Everyone talks so much about him... what was he like?"

Samus pulled up a chair and sat opposite to Max. "Well, he was sort of an optimist. Kinda like you, he enjoyed meeting new people and new experiences... He was just a little too nice though... I first hated him cause he treated everything like a game... but then, you know he was really really good at that game. I think somewhere deep inside, he knew how dangerous it was, but he just really loved doing it. He rarely lost his temper with anyone but the villains, and even that was just occasional... Do you wanna hear about it?"

Max shrugged. "Why not?"

Samus continued. "Mother Brain had developed a hologram device for trapping Lana into a fictional "happiness" world... I remember Kevin wanted to go after her so bad, but I had to keep him back, or he'd get stuck in there with her. Of course, she was by no means trapped forever, but boy did Kevin get pretty mad... he actually took Lana's old staff and started beating on the main unit's tank until the brain finally let Lana out."

Max blinked. "aaaand she didn't pelt him with rinkas or anything?

Samus too blinked. "Actually... no, she didn't... weird."

Max asked Samus another question. "Tell me... how did Mother Brain finally die?"

Samus smiled fondly. "I'll never forget that day... that's when the asteroid fortress Pegasus was completed... it was a huge, huge rock designed to simulate Zebes... with the real Zebes gone, she needed a new home... there was just one problem: nearly all of their afloraltite was vaporized in the destruction of Zebes, and even more was consumed in order to restore Mother Brain. In any case, she had a face of her own on that lump of gray matter, and would broadcast her mug all over the known galaxy, and it became synonymous with terror..."

Max blinked again. "But how did she DIEEEEUH?"

Samus continued. "Someone from the fortress contacted Lana, said he wanted out... turns out, it was Kraid. We took him back to Altim Tower, and he in turn told us about their planned afloraltite raid. With him on our side, they were in for a BIG surprise when they got there!"

Max laughed. "Yeah, speaking of big, how exactly did you... I mean, Kraid is... well..."

"Kraid may look big, but not a lot of people know that he's mostly air. Kraid is unique in that he can blow himself up like a big leathery balloon, or to the size of you and me if need be... that big belly has something to do with it..."

Max pondered. "Aha, that's why he was so small in NES Metroid but so big in... So, what happened to Mother Brain after that?"

Samus shrugged. "Well, with no alfloraltite, they just drifted off wherever space took them... after awhile, with necessities growing fewer and fewer, Ridley decided having her around wasn't worth drifting into the depths of space, and he ditched her, left her to rot. it's been several years since then, and nobody has seen her since."

Max smiled. "and that's it?"

Samus nodded. "That's it. And that's when Kevin left... He said he was just gonna go home for a little bit, let his mom know he was okay... He got on a shuttle, and we... well, we never saw him again." Samus's eyes were getting a little misty, and Max tried to cheer her up by eating his pancakes and making yummy noises.

"Oh god, why can't I stop talking about him!"

Max gulped down the load in his mouth. "Maybe you like him."

Samus looked straight into Max's eyes. "I... I didn't like him! Not like that!"

Max jumped up. "Alright alright! You didn't like him! Sorry I brought it up."

"Fuck it", muttered Samus, and she went into her room, locking the door.

"Samus? I didn't mean anything... please come out!"

Max heard the door click a few minutes later, and Samus emerged, fully decked out in her Varia Suit. "Finish your breakfast. We need to visit Doctor Light. Now."

"Yes, ma'am..."


	16. The Headaches of Time Travel

"No."

"How about this one?"

"No."

"Him?"

"You already showed me that one."

"how about this?"

"He's dead."

"We can steal the Triforce and bring him back..."

"No we won't cause I said so."

Ridley was not making this very easy for the poor lab pirate, but at least he had calmed down enough to do some goon shopping. Unfortunately, he had a very narrow list: Bowser was too incompetant, Kraid hated his guts, Ganon was dead and would just kick his ass, Dr. Wily could make some damn good robots, but he wasn't smart at much else.

"Don't we have anything that like... finds people and just kills them at the press of a button?" Ridley asked

"Those are called mercenaries, sir."

"No, no... I mean like... you just see someone, and then you make them die. And nobody knows how to protect themselves, or who will be next. I want something like that."

"Well sir, the Skedar claim to have been ambushed by weapons like that, but..."

"No, no no..." Ridley shook his head, "Let's not involve Skedar and Mayans.. ...eh, don't worry about it... how bout anything involving space and time? Those are always fun to screw with..."

"Nothing, sir."

"You sure? I thought I remember something coming out of the ground near Trann, back in '99..."

"A mere anomaly, Totally unpredictable." The pirate commented. "It disappeared in minutes."

Ridley sighed. "Hey... what if Doctor Wily can make something like that? Yeah, he's screwed with time before, maybe he can make something..." Luckily, Doctor Wily was one of the few villains out there who didn't despise Ridley.

"Sir, I really don't think-"

"That'll be all, Curly."

Max didn't want to piss Samus off anymore than she probably was, but he was a little confused by the destination, as he realized a minor error in consistency of fiction. "Uh, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Samus didn't respond.

"Um, okay... it's about Doctor Light... I thought they lived somewhere in Japan?"

Samus quietly answered. "Yes."

"So, wait, you know where that is! As in Earth!"

Samus quietly repeated. "Yes. As in your homeworld."

Max was more than a little perplexed. Mega Man? Living in his world all this time, and yet he never heard anything about Doctor Wily's attacks or Mega Man's victories? "...and what are they doing here?"

Samus shrugged. "They moved." She obviously didn't want to speak much, but she wasn't angry. She just had to lock herself up in her own mind for a little bit, hence also putting the suit on. It was her rock, her place to hide when she couldn't deal with the world, or didn't want to. Max sensed this, and gently put his hand on her jetpack.

"Don't touch me, please."

Max apologized and took his hand off.

"Samus?" Max asked, "Um... do you think... I could go back to Earth sometime? someday?"

Samus did not respond as they approached Light's secluded laboratory. After recieving permission to dock, she entered the hangar through the ceiling door.

"Samus..."

Samus opened the door and stepped out. "Not in my ship, you won't. Now let's get to the test." Samus met Doctor Light outside and greeted him.

"This is Max Walker, the replacement for Kevin. ...are the robots ready?"

Doctor Light nodded to the masked hunter and motioned the two of them into a big lounge, with a TV, couches, tables, a few games, and so on. Inhabiting the room were the initial eight robot masters: Cut Man, Guts Man, Ice Man, Fire Man, Bomb Man, Elec Man, Roll, and Mega Man.

"Ah! Hey!", Cut Man responded. "We've been waiting for you!"

Light smiled. "Walka, Cut man and de othas ah going to engage in some wight battle with you and Samus. The weapons aw toned down a bit, Cut man won't cut yo awm off o nothing, but you'w have to keep fwom kiwwing yosewf. You undastand wight? don't faww in da wava"

Samus looked straight at Doctor Light. "Oh, uh, I wasn't planning on joining him or anything..."

Light shook his head. "I undastand why not, but on de otha hand, if we had a twaining accident and Max was killed, it would come back on da wobots, wike a dog you gotta put to sweep. They awn't easy to webuild!"

"What about Max? Don't you care about his life?"

"I cawe enough ta ask you ta join 'im."

"I... alright..." Samus admitted defeat and sat down next to Elecman and Gutsman.

"Eh, Don't worry", Gutsman told her. "We won't hurt him. It's against our prime directives to hurt people. Besides, after what happened with Doctor Wily that first time, the thought of it scares me."

"That's right... you were all reprogrammed to kill and destroy..."

Max piped up. "Actually, not Rock and Roll."

Samus looked at him confused. "What? Not Rock and Roll? God I hate lyrics..."

Max and some of the robots burst into laughter. "No... No... Rock and his sister! They weren't effected. Just the other six. Mega Man busted them all up and sent the bodies back to Doctor Light."

"It wasn't funny," Samus sneered, and she morphed into a ball. Max held her to make her feel better, but she layed a bomb, so Max dropped her and ran from it. it discharged in the air, hitting nothing.

"Is evvybody weddy?", the good doctor called. "Then wets get to wowk!"

"Sir, can't we just ask him to make a time travel robot?"

Ridley sighed. "No. He'll just ask why he should, and then he'll probably make it a cheap-ass robot to spite us. That's how Wily rolls: predictably. Now, you remember your part, right?"

The lab pirate, who we'll now call Curly, sighed. "yes, sir..." And he ran off ahead.

Ridley knocked on the large metal door of Wily's castle and waited for a response. All he got was a "Go away." Ridley tried again. "Look Wily, I'm not going away till you come out here!"

"Wrong answer", Wily sneered back, and out of the hangar high above, Wily's mechanical dragon flew and headed straight for Ridley.

"My god, is that his idea of a robot dragon! How does that thing even fly with those gimpy wings?" Ridley of course was no stranger to having robotic parts in his past. "got an awful lot of dead weight though in that belly of his... ...hehehe..."

Ridley grew a wicked smile on his face and screamed at the metal monstrosity. "Hey! Down here! You know, with a face like that, you could do children's television! "Love Puffs" sounds like a great name!"

Enraged, the dragon charged towards Ridley, who continued to insult the lesser (in awesomeness only) dragon. At the last minute, Ridley peeled out of the way, and the dragon crashed straight through the door.

"Thanks, Puff. I owe you one." Ridley said as he walked across it's face getting in.

"What in the hell did you do to my door!"

"Hey don't blame me that your cheap-ass robots don't work right."

Dr. Wily gasped as he realized what Ridley was talking about. "My dragon! It's ruined! Do you have any idea how much this will cost in spare parts? That was one of my advanced security units!"

Ridley shrugged. "Not advanced enough I guess... now let's talk business."

"Fine", Doctor Wily said under his breath. "What do you want?"

"Doctor, I understand you have some experience in... ...time travel."

Wily started laughing. "Yeah, but let me tell ya you aren't missing much."

Ridley raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" He peered his head down the hall as he saw two robots talking to each other, and a third figure just barely run off to whence he came.

"Hey, Centaur Man!"

"Oh, hey Flash Man..."

"You can stop time, right?"

"Yeah, so can you... why do you ask?"

Flash Man's face lit up. "I was just thinking... what if we did it AT THE SAME TIME?"

Centaur Man looked intrigued. "Hmm... let's find out!"

Doctor Wily's eyes widened, and his mustache drooped. "..what..."

"Ready?"

Wily ran as fast as he could down the hall. "No, you idiots! Stop! If you do it at the same time, you could..."

"1... 2... "

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Wily shielded his eyes at Flash man's bright flash of light. When he opened his eyes, Flash man and Centaur Man were nowhere to be found.

"This is just as I feared... A complete time-stop repel! Likely, one robot has been propelled into the past, while the other robot has been propelled into the future! Now what'll I do?"

Ridley smiled. "Guess you'll have to make me that time traveling robot so we can go find them!"

Wily knew, somewhere deep down, that Ridley and Curly set this up to happen. "I hate you..."

"That's okay", said Ridley. "Most people do."


End file.
